I’m Not Resting In Peace

There’s one thing in life of which everyone can be certain of, but it’s one thing that most people find taboo to discuss out loud. We’re dying. We’re all dying. Not just me, you too.

Deal with it.

I have. And the thought of when that time is going to come has been laying heavy on my mind. There will be a lot to do, and I’d hate to think towards the end I could leave without helping, as it is after all my end so I should have a much say in what goes (or, where I go) as possible. The reason I’m putting thoughts into words now is because I find myself back in hospital once again. One week I was living my life to its fullest potential, and literally the next I found myself bed ridden and hooked up to a glucose drip. I’m not still entirely sure what knocked me for six so suddenly, all I know is I had a blood infection, and quicker than it came, it’s apparently gone. I still feel like I shine 80 watts less brighter than I did last week, but I’ll be home recovering soon and in no doubt that my peak will rise once again (it is coming up to that time of year again after all).

Death will take me when I least expect it, or worse, it will slowly debilitate me and render me unable to plan for what needs to be done. So I shouldn’t waste anymore time thinking about what to do afterwards – I need to start doing it now. Thankfully, I’m not alone in thinking about life after death, and there were dozens of helpful websites just a click away when it finally came to me to search on how I plan for the after. Having talked it through with my mum, it will be a relief I’m sure that she and everyone will be able to say goodbye with no doubts about what may have been left unsaid.

Because there will be nothing left unsaid, not even on this blog if I can help it. I know I currently don’t say much in these posts, but you should know that here is where my mind will always rest – not in peace, but forever online.

This Is Our Future

“We must warn you before listening to this song…” a rather apt introduction to my playlist of original lyric recordings. They might not sound polished as they were all performed, written, and recorded on cassette by myself – in my bedroom, between 1996 and 1999. I began writing lyrics when I was about 8-years-old, but didn’t really focus on my talent until I turned 10! That year I started writing down verse after verse of anything and everything that was on mind. From harmless childhood games, to first loves, and breaking free and being rebellious, I documented it all, and still keep most of the original handwritten lyrics in a folder in my bedroom. These aren’t necessarily the best of the bunch, in fact, I only just managed to scrape together the required 8 by including a few alternate recordings. So, press play, and read more about each song below…

Everyday Brings Some Hope…

Unlike my previous post, I’m not gonna tell you to listen to this playlist before you read all about it. You see, you have to understand, I was TEN YEARS OLD! I was a misfit, I didn’t fit in and – hello, I was allergic to the sun! So yeah, I spent most of my time indoors by myself. And I guess you can say that’s partly how this recording was born. I didn’t put as much effort into it as I should’ve. At one point in the full recording, you can hear in the background my old beloved dog Zero barking his head off! I didn’t know much about music. My favourite artists at the time were Spice Girls, Michael Jackson, No Doubt, and (old favourites) 2 Unlimited. Laugh all you want, though – all those artists have had UK #1 Records. So, my heart was in the right place. All I did was put pen to paper (or in some cases, fingers to keyboard) and let my feelings pour out. I tried hard to have a fixed melody in my head, but I wasn’t accomplished in the art of music, so I went acapella.

Quick update: Summer for me is uncharacteristically fab! I’m working, got a steady social life. I’m keeping in mind though how quickly that can all change. Our weather is so mixed, I’m never one to complain about a dreary Summer, but OMG it’s so cold! I am off and on flucloxacillin for my finger infections, but they are healing nicely, apart from the unsightly scabs, but who cares – I certainly don’t! After what I went through over Christmas, I’m not letting my illness get me down again. I have a fortunate life with a wonderful family and genuine friends, that’s a lot more than some people in the world have.