That is how I start 99% of my conversations with other people on Grindr. For those of you who don’t know what Grindr is and are too lazy to find out, this is what Wikipedia says:

Grindr is a geosocial networking application available for download from the Apple App Store. The app makes use of the device geolocation, which allows users to access other gay men through a user interface that displays a grid of representative pictures of men, arranged from nearest to farthest away. Tapping on a picture will display a brief profile for that user, as well as the option to chat, send pictures, and share one’s location.

Why am I telling you this, you’re thinking? I haven’t said two words to you all year, and yet here I am describing to you the exploits of my gay social networking. It wasn’t always like this. For many years, the only social means I had with other gay men was through a message board on a website called Famousmales. All I wanted was a place to talk about TV, Film, and Music with other people the same as me, men who just so happened to be attracted to other men. Didn’t know their real names most of the time, didn’t know their ages – it didn’t matter, all we were talking about were what was on TV, in the cinema, or on the radio.

I only actually ever listen to the radio when I’m in a car. I used to stay at my Grandma’s house a lot, and she would always have the radio on in the morning. It would be our local Leeds station, Aire FM. When I was 13, I lived with my grandma for a month or two, and became so fond of that station. I left my grandma’s house and went back to my new bedroom with an ambition in my head to become a radio deejay! I would get out all my CDs, plug my microphone into my stereo, pop in a fresh blank cassette tape, and record myself live for 45 minutes (one side of that tape) hosting my own radio show. This wasn’t strictly new behaviour, I’d done it once or twice before as I’m sure one or two of you reading this might have done. But 13 was the age when I really took it seriously. I made my own chart, I had non-movers, new entries, high-climbers; I would go into Woolworths every Monday afternoon after school and buy as many as 3 new CD singles for £1.99!

When I was 14, I practically realised my ambition. I entered a competition hosted by Aire FM which involved recording three promos in their on-location studio inside a shopping centre. If I were more motivated, I could find the letter in the drawer underneath my bed which thanked me for entering this competition, and show it to you – but I won’t, but trust me it’s there.

I did not win this competition, and my ambition slowly faded away.

Yet, life has a funny way of turning out. Not funny like a joke, but amusing like I had just come out of intensive care after almost dying and was recovering from pneumonia so instead of taking a drama A-Level, I began sixth form and studied Film Studies and Media. It was through that that I got to host the school’s very own radio station. My voice, my playlist, my ambition was realised once again! Those other thousand students had no say in whether or not they wanted to listen to me, if they didn’t, they had to leave the building! I’ll admit, writing this down now, I think I may have been drunk with power.

Yes, that’s definitely the face of a boy who was drunk with power! Those two years on Star Radio not only helped develop my radio skills, but it really helped me socialise with my classmates. I have friends for life now. We may not see each other regularly, but that bond is still strong.

And now, life has decided to be amusing again, and I’ve been thrown back into the world of radio, and socialising with a whole new group people. But this time it isn’t A-Level students, it’s the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered community of Leeds and North England!

And that is why I started by telling you about Grindr. I’m now a co-host on a community radio show called GRadio. It’s one hour of music, news, and reviews, aimed towards the LGBT community of Leeds and North England. I’ve been more social in one month that I have in one year! I hope I can tell you more about it in the coming weeks. But I really just need to take this opportunity to firstly say a huge thank you to that person who said Hi to me on Grindr and kind of took a really big chance on me. I’m walking proof that life can deal you a crap hand sometimes, and you don’t know if you can make sense of it anymore, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end, it just means it’s the start of something different, so you might as well go along with the ride because you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain!

5

ADELE – 21

W00t, I’m mainstream for including this in my top five. I don’t understand anyone who fails to sit through most of the songs on 21 and not be reminded of a past love or hard time in there life. Or a time where they finally stood up and overcame their fears and stood strong on their own. I’ll admit it, I was never really aware of Adele, despite her successful debut album 19. Her music only came to my attention during the Series 2 finale of Skins in a scene where Cassie flees to New York! Hometown Glory was a rip-your-heart-out tearjerker that still stands up to most of the tracks on 21 as the pinnacle of her musical talent. (Spotify: Rolling In The Deep)

4

LADY GAGA – Born This Way

Try to escape the incessant drones and thumps of a GaGa song. Go on, just try – I dare you! It can’t be done, there is not one beat on Born This Way that won’t get your booty shaking at least once. But that’s not the album’s only high point. GaGa’s vocals and lyrics carry every song into a different genre. Seriously, there’s German Techno, Nebraska Blues, Mambo Italiano, and the Streets of New York to name a few. This album has been unstoppable, already spawning three editions (not counting Vinyl, and USB releases). We haven’t even heard about the impending Born This Wall Ball tour, which is sure to conquer the world and secure “Mother Monster’s” reign as Queen of Pop into 2012. (Spotify: Scheiße)

3

NATALIA KILLS – Perfectionist

Okay, sorry to sound like a broken record, I really do feel like I’ve been the number one mascot for Natalia Kills in 2011 – it’s just, after hearing Zombie, Activate My Heart, and Mirrors, I had such high hopes, but nothing I said could convinced you lot that she is the shit. To my defence, she didn’t help her case by choosing to publicise probably the two least Kills-ish songs from Perfectionist – despite the fact one of them has the word KILL in the title! But you know, I stand by my words, and really do feel that now, in 2012, the world is ready to lose their shit over Natalia Kills. But before we enjoy the delights of Perfectionist 2.0, here’s my review of the album which was published in the 94 magazine from St James’s Hospital.

(Spotify: Love Is A Suicide)

2

RUPAUL – Glamazon

Much like Adele (don’t worry, I’m going somewhere with this), I knew very little about RuPaul before his OMGTotallyAwesomeTVShow RuPaul’s Drag Race premiered on E4 about two years ago. Even after falling in love with him, I didn’t really acknowledge the awesomeness of him… as a her… as a recording artist. I mean, I was well aware of the Martha Wash duet on It’s Raining Men (I own the CD) – but, I never knew how talented this drag queen really was… still is! The hardest working drag queen out there; still on the hunt for the next Drag Superstar (season four of Drag Race starts in two weeks), still recording (a Remix EP, SuperGlam DQ, featuring new songs and songs from Glamazon was also released this year), and still serving more fierceness than Judge Judy and Tyra Banks combined. Long live the queen… the DRAG QUEEN! (Spotify: Responsitrannity)

1

BRITE FUTURES – Dark Past

If there’s one other artist I spoke more highly of in 2011 than Natalia Kills, it’s these guys. Luke, Shaun, David, Claire, and Conor – collectively known as Brite Futures, have turned the last two months of my 2011 into pure sunshine… except, I’m allergic to sunshine, so… they gave me a pair of shades. I’m not kidding, they really did give me a pair of shades. And a T-Shirt. Dark Past is one of those rare albums that screams to be played from start to finish, with the volume turned all the way up. So, there’s nothing left to be said, I don’t know what you’re waiting for, do it… DO IT!

HONOURABLE MENTION: Megalomania, by Aqua – I very much wanted to include Aqua’s first album in over 10 years in my Top 5 of 2011, but the fact it wasn’t released outside of Denmark really sucks and means the only way I can tell you all to hear how great it is, is to illegally download it, which I would never tell you to do… ever.

I’m about to pass 10,000 visitors. Thank you all, it really makes the hours I’ve put into perfecting my website all that more worth it. If you haven’t already, please take a look around at the new layout. I’ll draw your attention to the new column on the side which is an awesome day-by-day schedule of my 2011 Leeds Film Festival screenings. I would love to see some of you there, just get it contact with me!

Black Christmas (1974)
Usually reserved for Christmas Eve, there’s no reason why the sight of Margot Kidder being slaughtered by a psychotic escaped mental patient (who is hiding up in the attic of a college Sorority House) in front of an audience of creepy glass unicorns whilst a choir of children sweetly serenade Olivia Hussey with their rendition of Silent Night won’t fit in perfectly on your snowy Halloween night. Just be sure you stay away from the 2006 remake at all costs.

Jack Frost (1996)
By no means as creepy and frightful as my last suggestion, this film is still a slasher flick about a serial killer on the loose at Christmas… the twist is, he’s a snowman. A foul-mouthed, perverted mutant-snowman! Yet with the most innovative ways of torture I’ve seen since Charles Lee Ray was reincarnated as Chucky the Good Guy doll! And yes, that is Shannon Elizabeth – check out the Psycho reference during her death scene! Again, be sure to stay away from the 1998 film of the same name – you will just be left very confused.

Let the Right One In (2008)
This film will sit right with you on a blizzardy Halloween, as the cold country of Sweden plays host to this story about a child vampire who is befriended by a lonely, bullied boy. Based on the novel, Låt den rätte komma in, this is more of a slow-paced horror, building up to a bloody finale. Ultimately, it’s quite a sweet tale, perhaps one you can watch in the company of a dear friend and not be left too traumatised – as long as you, say it with me, stay away from the remake! I don’t care for it, as it relies too heavily on CGI effects and (gasp) fake snow! Read my full review, written after my first viewing of Let The Right One In at the 10th Leeds Young People’s Film Festival.

The Thing
Whatever I was saying about staying away from remakes, forget it, as this is a story that has survived two remakes, and continues to stand strong. My favourite is John Carpenter’s 1982 incarnation – but that’s simply because I haven’t seen any of the others! If you get the chance, go see the version released in cinemas soon, as it acts as both a prequel and a remake (I don’t know how that works, but I’ll tell you after I see it next week). Still horror, but with a sci-fi edge, as a group of scientists in the Antarctic begin to doubt each other when it becomes apparent an Alien has infiltrated their base by murdering and imitating one or more of their group…

Forgive me for not including The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I do really think that is more of a Christmas-themed film and not a horror in any sense of the word despite its connections to the celebration of Halloween. Still, if you want, you can always watch that instead of those I just recommended. Whatever you do, have a Happy Halloween!

I’m considering more changes, and have been working on uploading a lot of new pages. Despite being over seven years old, you can now finally read my Sims 2 fictional series The Caliente Affairs over at My Fiction. There are currently five episodes of Season One uploaded, which unravel the complicated lives of the Pleasantview residents. If you aren’t familiar with the history of The Sims 2, then all you need to know about my series is that it’s basically like an animated version of Desperate Housewives. Click below to read the episodes I’ve posted…

The Caliente Affairs
Created by Thomas McNab. Based on characters from The Sims 2 created by Maxis.

EPISODE 1
Take a peek into the world of Dina and Nina Caliente, twenty-something identical twin sisters who live in the small town of Pleasantview, Sim City. Over the next seven days their lives, and the lives of their neighbours, will change forever.
READ »

EPISODE 2
After the Caliente engagement, Don Lothario learns about Cassandra Goth and her new love…
READ »

EPISODE 3
Alexander Goth is thrown a Birthday party at his new home, but as everyone soon discovers, addresses and age aren’t the only changes taking place…
READ »

EPISODE 4
As Cassandra Goth falls deeper in love with Darren Dreamer, she has to overcome the objections from his son, Dirk.
READ »

EPISODE 5
Dina Caliente continues hiding secrets, whilst Don Lothario and Nina Caliente plan for the future.
READ »

So yeah, I watched Precious with my mum and absolutely loved it. It was one of the two Blu-ray’s we rented from Blockbuster’s, which has just re-opened ’round the corner from our house. After visiting, I don’t know why they bothered re-opening, the place has been stripped of its carpets and colour and is … well, it’s just ugly and I don’t want that thing carrying the Blockbuster brand – the brand that filled me with so much joy during my teenage years, the place that introduced me to a back catalogue of Videotape films, and saw me through the evolution to DVDs. It makes me sad that is what it has become. I hope it’s not a sign of things to come and that soon cinemas will follow suite. I’d say half of the movie watching experience is atmosphere. Blockbuster had IT. Now it’s gone and I can tell pretty soon the whole brand will disappear.

Very sad. But I shan’t dwell, I did other things today. Mainly, I slept for almost 15 hours, and woke up to some lovely texts that have brought forth a change in the way people have been treating me lately. I don’t know if it’s part of my regime that’s rubbed off on them, but a lot more people are being honest with me and laying their agenda out on the table. I like this. It says, this is me, accept me as I am or don’t. I feel so many times in the past this has not been the case with people and I’ve had to let them go, despite it being emotionally difficult – clearly, I’ve benefited, and I’m reaping the rewards now (or soon).

After I woke up, I had to wipe my eye clean, ’cause I have a mild infection. I suffered from it in my right eye a few weeks ago, and now it’s in my left. It’s just my tears don’t stay on the eyeball, so their constantly producing tears. I’ll have it sorted under the week as my mum, being the Supermum she is, phoned ahead of my scheduled hospital trip and ordered a repeat prescription.

So after I had my eye looking as normal as it could, I ventured out and on the bus to my usual haunt – which is Starbucks. For those of you that don’t know: first, I like to buy a chocolate bagel from the lovely, lovely girls at Bagel Nash. Then I take it to Starbucks, where I order either a White Chocolate Mocha or, my new favourite drink, a Cocoa Cappuccino. I like to sit at the window if it’s not bright, cos I love watching the people walking past, otherwise, I try find a seat with my back against the wall. And I usually just eat and drink with my headphones on, listening to music on shuffle whilst I read my timeline of tweets that have gathered whilst I slept (no more than 200, usually, as that’s all my iPhone App caches). Whilst reading my tweets, I was informed a new issue of Attitude was on shelves, so I decided to see if I could buy it. I’ve video blogged before about making that giant leap to purchasing a gay lifestyle magazine, so let’s not act like it’s a big deal anymore, ’cause I certainly don’t.

The big deal was the fact I’ve recently opened my awareness of Leeds up to include a new place: the Rail Station. Previously, I’d taken the free bus after getting into town, but after shopping and hanging out with my friend John on Friday, I discovered how to walk their, and it isn’t far at all … so that’s what I did! I walked, and it felt great, except now my foot is hurting! The Rail Station has such a better Starbucks to people watch (though it’s a trade in, as I usually get a 10% discount at the other), and the WHSmith doesn’t stock Attitude on the top shelf, which was my main reason for seeking to go their by myself in the first place. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in yet, so I just two bottles of Cherry Lucozade and a pack of Cherry Passion Tic Tacs so it wasn’t a wasted trip, then I waited in Starbucks with another Cocoa Cappuccino until my mum picked me up to take me to the hospital.

That’s all. I’m currently watching Love Thy Neighbour, which is a reality TV show set in Grassington – a place my mum and stepdad visit all the time! It’s rather good. Thank you if you read all this! I’ve started blogging on my tumblr too, so please follow me if you’re a member.

I can’t leave without speaking my mind, even though I’m in indescribable pain right now. I just keep asking why. Asking who. What. Answers. Were all going through life looking for answers. I don’t want answer. I just want a life. I hope I find it somewhere else. Because it’s not here. Everything is so fake. And I love it. I pretend to live it. But it wasn’t my life. It was a lie. I don’t even think I wanted a normal life in the end. I wanted a normal death. I’m certain of how I will die. In a hospital surrounded by beeping machines and wires attached to me. Like one last prison sentence keeping me tied to what is my one and only life. And I’m relieved to see it go. I’m sorry. But it’s true. There’s no ambition anymore no drive I’m just connecting myself to material obsessions in a bid to fool myself into thinking I want to go on. But I don’t. And if you’re Reading this then I have or am about to. But don’t be sad. There were real moments. Just fleeting. And I thank you. But I need to be at peace and accept that peace is now.

#LIFF10 Film Review › The Bothersome Man (Den brysomme mannen) – http://tumblr.com/xxron441h—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 05, 2010

Video: › A Town Called Panic (Panique au village) Film #2 of #LIFF10, and the best film I’ve seen so far! A… http://tumblr.com/xxror3h69—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 06, 2010

Video: › How I Ended This Summer (Kak ya provel etim letom) Film #3 @ #LIFF10 – This Russian film has a main… http://tumblr.com/xxrosd760—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 06, 2010

Video: › Mutant Girls Squad (Sentô shôjo: Chi no tekkamen densetsu) Film #4 @ #LIFF10 is a violent, and… http://tumblr.com/xxrp0aadw—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 08, 2010

Video: › All Boys (Poikien bisnes) Film #5 @ #LIFF10 – A documentary focusing on the gay pоrn industry of the… http://tumblr.com/xxroxq7k5—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 07, 2010

Video: › The Loved Ones (Dir. Sean Byrne) Film #6 @ #LIFF10 is an Australian horror film about Lola Stone,… http://tumblr.com/xxrp0s2aj—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 08, 2010

Video: › The Silent House (La Casa Muda) Film #7 @ #LIFF10 delivered a promising & unique idea for the horror… http://tumblr.com/xxrp0f7xi—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 08, 2010

Video: › Dive! (Dir. Jeremy Seifert) Film #8 @ #LIFF10 is an American documentary about Dumpster divers (or… http://tumblr.com/xxrp3c2vp—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 08, 2010

Video: › Leap Year (Año bisiesto) Film #9 @ #LIFF10 is without a doubt the worst film I’ve seen so far, and… http://tumblr.com/xxrp3vmte—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 08, 2010

Video: › Mundane History (Jao nok krajok) Film #10 @ #LIFF10 is a beautiful and artistic film about the cycle… http://tumblr.com/xxrp4fro3—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 08, 2010

Video: › Lost Angels (Dir. Thomas Q. Napper) Film #11 @ #LIFF10 was the UK Premiere of a documentary about… http://tumblr.com/xxrp93pdi—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 09, 2010

Video: › Pepperminta (Dir. Pipilotti Rist) I don’t know what to write about #12 of #LIFF10 – it’s not really… http://tumblr.com/xxrp9wfi0—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 09, 2010

Video: › Upperdog (Dir. Sara Johnsen) Film #13 @ #LIFF10 is a typical, but nonetheless fresh Romantic Comedy… http://tumblr.com/xxrpeg6ft—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 10, 2010

Video: › Kitchen Stories (Salmer fra kjøkkenet) Film #14 @ #LIFF10 is the first film I have struggled to form… http://tumblr.com/xxrpefvdt—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 10, 2010

Video: › The Art of Negative Thinking (Kunsten å tenke negativt) Film #15 @ #LIFF10 is an extremely dark yet… http://tumblr.com/xxrpfa66c—
Thomas John McNab (@ThomasMcNab) November 10, 2010

As those of you who visit my site will already know, All Cleared Up is about the fictional teenage life of Jamie Foster who lives in the crazy town of Sitcomland, where she encounters all-sorts of mischief and mayhem! This special Halloween Episode features a tonne of nods to lots of iconic horror movies and Scream Queens. So, sit back, get comfy, and I hope you enjoy…

Jamie’s First Halloween

Opening – JAMIE is in the shower, washing her hair. It’s Halloween and she has been feeling tense all day. As she let’s the warm water rinse her hair, she reminisces about her day at school…

JAMIE is in the school corridor, on her way to her locker to get her stuff before school finishes. She passes TIFFANY BRANTFORD and her clique who are all whispering and pointing at JAMIE.

JAMIE: If you’ve got something to say, Tiffany Brantford, why don’t you just come out and say it?
TIFFANY BRANTFORD: Oh, we were all just wondering why you decided to come to school in your Halloween costume.

JAMIE scowls and buries her head inside her locker to escape the hideous cackling that follows TIFFANY BRANTFORD’S insult. When she emerges, the group of girls all surround her.

JAMIE: For your information I don’t celebrate Halloween anymore, I’m not a kid.
TIFFANY BRANTFORD: Oh but we think you are; deep down inside, you’re just as fragile and as afraid as you were when you were a little girl… back when your mother couldn’t even remember to pick you up from school and it was left down to your Uncle Bogeyman to come pick you up.

JAMIE slams her locker shut and breaks through the cluster of girls surrounding her, running towards the exit. When she gets outside, JAMIE stops running and slowly breathes in the cool refreshing air, forcing her tears down by closing her eyes tight. When she opens them, TIFFANY BRANTFORD is standing next to her, her sleek black hair gently falling in front of her eyes as the wind blows.

TIFFANY BRANTFORD: So what happened next, Jamie? Why is it you were so late starting your period… some unspeakable trauma in your life perhaps?
JAMIE: You know we all have problems, Tiffany Brantford. Why is it that I have to be the only one to suffer?
TIFFANY BRANTFORD: You’re not… everyone will suffer.

JAMIE continues to run as TIFFANY BRANTFORD is joined by her clique and they all tilt back their heads and let out a high-pitched hyena-like cackle that can be heard for miles. When JAMIE reaches a tree by the school’s exit she comes to a stop and rests upon it, sobbing as the shrill hyena-like cackling continues to echo around her.

SOMEONE: They’re all gonna laugh at you.

JAMIE gasps and turns around to see PIPER LAURIE standing behind her.

JAMIE: Piper Laurie, what are you doing here?
PIPER LAURIE: I’m here to support your school’s Comedic Youth Club. They’re all gonna laugh at you.
JAMIE: You said that already.
PIPER LAURIE: They’re all gonna laugh at you.
JAMIE: Stop saying that!
PIPER LAURIE: They’re all gonna laugh at you. They’re all gonna laugh at you.
JAMIE: Stop, I’m not even in the comedic youth club.
PIPER LAURIE: They’re all… oh? Right then, can you point me in the right direction.
JAMIE: I think it’s in the Auditorium over there.

JAMIE points to a building by the school and PIPER LAURIE eerily floats towards it, her haunting voice becoming a whispering echo as she gets further and further away.

PIPER LAURIE: They’re all gonna laugh at you…they’re all gonna laugh at you…gonna laugh at you…laugh at you…at you…you…ooo…ooo.

JAMIE has tears running down her face, she opens her eyes and is shocked to see a shadow behind the shower curtain. Suddenly, it is yanked across, revealing a looming figure holding a knife in the air.

JAMIE: Aaaaaarrrrggghh!!!

(more…)

Launch this video in a new window.

Little did I know that three years ago, when I mashed t.A.T.u. with Klaxons to create It’s Not Over Until They Catch Us, it would be the beginning of my biggest mash up project ever. Over the next months, I created two more mash ups to accompany that one: 30 Golden Skans, and Gravity’s Cosmos. Then, in 2009, when t.A.T.u. finally brought new material out, I decided to try my hand at another two: Snegopady vs. Two Receivers, and Vremya Luny vs. Magick. By this time, I felt like, given the freedom of t.A.T.u. singing in both Russian and English, I could theoretical create alternate vocal versions of all these mash ups, and whilst doing so, I discovered more pairings: Little People/Chelovechki vs. Totem on the Timeline, and most recently Not Gonna Get Us vs. Echoes. Sixteen t.A.T.u. vs. Klaxons Mash Ups, overall; and they’re all finally uploaded! Audio & Video previews can be found in their respective flash players below.

Launch this video in a new window.

t.A.T.u. vs. Katy Perry – t.Æ.T.u. (Futuristic Lover)
MP3 – DOWNLOAD [8 Mb]

Download more Mash Ups by Thomas McNab…

It’s funny where you can draw inspiration from. In two minutes I came up with this idea for a short story, after seeing an advert for chocolate and thinking they always make such a fuss about chocolate in adverts. It’s only a bit a chocolate, nobody would go to such unrealistic lengths as to hiding bars in three different locations around the house (and if they did, I’d suspect them of having an eating disorder). but what if someone did act like that. what if someone went to extraordinary lengths just for a bit of chocolate? That was the idea that inspired me to write Mrs. Earnshaw’s House. I’ve rewritten it a bit since its original incarnation in pencil, but it’s seven pages of some of my best and most frantic work, and I hope you enjoy it!

Whilst she still has one film left in the can, albeit in a supporting role, I can’t help but be a little upset by this news. Amanda Bynes has always been my favourite actress, and someone whose films and TV shows I’ve turned to when I want cheering up. But yesterday she denounced those roles, tweeting she “only acted like the characters the producers or directors wanted” her to.

It seems from the moment Amanda Bynes started tweeting her thoughts to the world, her career ground to a halt. The only projects secured for her during this time were two magazine covershoots, and a small part in an upcoming Farrelly Brothers film called Hall Pass. However, that role fell through, with Amanda citing scheduling conflicts as the reason she had to pull out (and then, all her tweets about her involvement with Hall Pass were removed from her account).

I’ve been an Amanda Bynes fan since I was 13, and we’re the same age. I like to think I’ve followed her career close enough to know her more than most people, but the simple truth is you can never really know any person – you only know what they want you to know. Never was this more apparent with Amanda than when she would take to her twitter in the early hours of the morning and share her emotions. The Amanda Bynes on twitter, @chicky, turned out to be nothing like the girl I thought I’d grown up with. It remains to be seen whether, as I feel myself sometimes going through, Amanda Bynes has just hit something of a quarter-life crisis. We can all admit to looking back 6, or even 4 years ago, and being unable to recognise the person we used to be. I like to be reminded of the opposite of this fact: that in 2 or 3 years I’ll look back and hopefully see that I made the right choices and because of this, my life has been changed for the better.

EPISODE 1°
“Jamie’s First Episode” – Satirical look at the life Jamie Foster as she deals with her sister leaving for college, the arrival of a robot mother, a mad-scientist, her gay boy-friend James and a whole host of new and exciting characters and situations.
READ »

EPISODE 2°
“Jamie’s First Fight” – Jamie’s back at school, but already she’s in trouble. Can the professor help her out with one of his wacky inventions or is it up to Mom-Bot to save the day?
READ »

EPISODE 3°
“Jamie’s First F” – Jamie meets her match in the form of Ms. Fairchild, her science teacher. She enlists the help of the professor but will everything go the way she planned?
READ »

EPISODE 4°
“Jamie’s First Problem” – Jamie’s been acting very strange and it’s up to James to snoop around and find out what’s going on.
READ »

EPISODE 5°
“Jamie’s First Crush” – Jamie has feelings for a boy in her class. With James’ help, she invites him over to study but soon things turn awkward and Jamie’s in trouble.
READ »

EPISODE 6°
“Jamie’s First Job” – Jamie and James get jobs but Jamie becomes jealous when James is better than her. In order to succeed, Jamie plots to outdo her friend but not everything goes as planned.
READ »

The song combines the vocals from White Robe, and the music from Apologize. The video only features t.A.T.u. and is available to download, along with the MP3, on my Music page.

P.S. – I’m using a brand new service to host the audio, so I “apologize” if it fails!

I have been going through a dark mood for a while, unable to feel like I’m truly myself because of my declining health, and the Tuesday we travelled I was having one of my down moods. This was the first time I think I’ve ever been on a train out of the city. We had booked seats so I got to sit next to an empty one, which was convenient in order to avoid the sun (as trains don’t have curtains)! I listened  to the new Goldfrapp album, which was entertaining, if a little short. It wasn’t really that long before we had arrived in London, and overwhelmed with luggage we decided to take a taxi to our hotel. This too had been reserved, but contrary to what the hotel had told my mum on the phone I would not be staying in a room on the same floor as my parents. Whilst I didn’t mind, as it was a bijou hotel in Paddington, hardly something I could get lost in, my mum found complaint with the fact they had not delivered us what they had said they would. This went on for a good ten minutes, reducing my already small good mood to near-zero. I felt undermined and childlike.

We didn’t have very long before we were out of the hotel, and on our way to the Apollo Theatre to see Wicked. Despite the Ideal Home Show being the reason I requested a holiday to London, it ultimately turned out to be the thing I least enjoyed. This had been my first attendance to an original production, and one of the few shows I’ve ever seen. The last time I was at the theatre was at the West Yorkshire Playhouse in my hometown, to see Alice in Wonderland.

I’ll briefly inform you about Wicked: It is about the schooldays of the witches from The Wizard of Oz, specifically how the Good witch became good and how the Wicked witch turned so. The story is about how the two became unlikely friends. This was as much as I knew about it, and I was overwhelmed to see a unique display of colour and sound unfold before me! The more I got into it, the harder reality hit when I came out of it. Each time hitting harder and harder until finally, just as Defying Gravity began and Act One drew to a close, I began to cry, admitting to my mother how unhappy I really was. I think had it not been for the mint chocolate chip ice cream I ate during the interval my feelings would probably have never come out!

I don’t know if you realise what it’s like to know you’ll never again have a moment where you’re as happy and content as I was then, so much so that you wished things could just stay as they were, even if it meant dropping dead right there and then, just so you never had to be brought back down. That’s how I felt.

Having gone a tiny way to getting these feelings across to my mother, I enjoyed the second act much more than the first, with no annoying jolts back to reality. Despite ending the night with intoxicating fast food, my first night in London was the best night.

Despite determination to enjoy the rest of my holiday, my mother had obviously not taken into account my feelings as much as I had thought. As Wednesday morning, dressed and ready to spend the day out in the city, I was suddenly told to pack my bags, as we were moving rooms. This upset caused a rift that morning, and having been given my voice back after last nights outburst, I was not willing to hold my feelings back. After a very hectic time on the underground, we arrived in Piccadilly, and seeing the sights did wonders to our moods.

Our first stop was Hamleys. Quite frankly I could have spent more than half the day in there, and should have bought more than just sweets, but later we stumbled into Soho and I spotted a VANS store, which is where I purchased a long-sleeved t-shirt and a jacket. Then we stopped in Soho for pizza, the first proper meal I’d had in about two days. Afterwards, having talked some more over dinner, we continued to wander the city, passing the entrance to China Town and eventually stopping for a rest in Leicester Square.

My mum had wanted to stop here to sit outside the premiere of Nanny McPhee and The Big Bang at the Odeon West End. However, freezing my arse off to look at the backs of people’s heads whilst occasionally glimpsing minor celebrities was not on my agenda, and so as a compromise, my mum took me to the HMV in Trocadero, where I bought the Original Broadway recording of Wicked on CD, as well as a few other albums.

Unable to maintain my energy as my parents dragged me to Covent Gardens, I had planned to enjoy my fourth White Mocha from Starbucks and not make any more of a fuss. But for some reason this one tasted very different to how I’m used to, and it wasn’t long after, when we were finally back at the hotel and in our new rooms, that I felt ill from it. My guess is they made it with Soy Milk, but I don’t know if it’s possible to be Soy Intolerant. As for the new hotel room, whilst indeed a fraction bigger, the bed was unfortunately placed underneath the window, and being a floor lower than the previous night, the noise pollution meant I got less than four hours’ sleep.

And so we come to the last day, and what was supposed to be the main event, turned out to be a pain in the leg. I’m not saying it wasn’t nice to look at, but the highlight was the twenty minutes I got to crash down on a beanbag playing Mario Kart on a Nintendo DS XL! Before getting the train back to Leeds that evening, we all shared a pizza at Pizza Express near Kings Cross, but having not had a lot of sleep, I was not in the mood to talk. The journey home was fine. I didn’t get two seats to myself like last time, and we were sat next to a family, but I just kept my hood up, headphones on, and eyes closed for most of the journey.

What to make of it all… I couldn’t live there. I suppose it may get easier, and certainly if you’re born there it’s just a way of life. But honestly it’s made look at Leeds in a whole new light. Borders or no Borders, I think I’m going to be getting out the house a bit more from now on!

t.A.T.u vs. Rihanna // All The Music.

The song and video combines Rihanna’s vocals from Don’t Stop The Music, whilst the music comes from All My Love (Vsya Moya Lubov), by t.A.T.u. – but the video is Dangerous and Moving (Lyudi Invalidi). A download of the video will be available soon, however the MP3 is already available on my Music page.

“The ghastly truth of what it’s like to be a teenager!” Mum read out-loud, with a newsreader-like tone to her voice. Her head tilted back, and she suddenly broke-out into a raging fit of laughter as soon as she’d finished. Trent patted her on the shoulder as he pulled her in for a side-on hug.

“Awesome! Beyond excellent, May! I can smell the bike messenger on his way with your Pulitzer already!” Mum brought her hands up to her unsightly cleavage (unsightly, not just because it was so early in the morning, but because she was almost fifty-five); pointing at herself as if to say, ‘stop it, you’re too much!’ When really she was thinking, ‘more, more!” Sensing this, Trent joined her weird chorus of sighing-laughter as he took her hands and wrapped them around his also heaving chest.

He began to kiss her neck, and her laughs turned into coos of delight.

My eyes widened in disgust, and I dropped my spoon with a loud clang as it hit the inside of my cereal bowl. Quite frankly, this was all getting just a bit too much for me. I scrapped my chair back across the floor as I stood-up from the kitchen table and cast my eyes down at my so-called mother opposite from me. “What in the hell would you know about being a teenager, these days?” I groaned through gritted teeth and began to walk away.

“Show your mam some respect!” Trent yelled at the back of my head. “She’s clearly writing this book for your benefit. The least you could do is congratulate her on a future bestseller.”

Feeling my blood boil, I used all my willpower to tense the muscles in my body so I didn’t lash out once again. Slowly turning around, I parted my lips and began to speak, “Congratulations! I wish you all the luck in the world. If the way you’ve brought me up is indeed a reflection of this book’s content…” I turned around again, making sure to lose eye contact as I finished my sentence, “You’re going to need it.”

Following my lead, Trent scrapped his chair back, and due to his sheer size, sent it crashing into the wall. Before I had time to react my body was being spun around, as he backed me up against the wall and pinned me their with his arm across my neck. Shoving his face in mine, he bared his teeth like some kind of wild animal. I swear I even heard him growl, right before mum shouted out, “BOYS!” Dropping his arm, Trent turned towards her, as I let my head fall and the blood rush back into my brain. I love how even when I’m on the receiving end of one of Trent’s trademark chokeholds, mum still refuses to acknowledge I didn’t have it coming… It’s been like that during most of my teenage years. One of the reasons I can’t comprehend where mum would even begin to start writing a book about being a teenager.

“Whilst I am flattered for such an early display of sparring, there simply isn’t the time to argue over who loves me more. I must be on my way, as should you two.” As if taking the scene off pause, everyone started moving, and I instinctively made my way toward the kitchen table to clear everyone’s breakfast away. Don’t ask me why I would care about their mess after what just happened, it’s just I’ve just become so used to doing it it’s turned into a reflex… And I’ve also learnt not to analyse my compulsive cleanliness, as it could only lead to mum picking up on it and subjecting me to the same psychological therapy I’d endured during my adolescent years. The irreparable damage it had no doubt caused made me bring up suppressed memories of resting back on her suede-leather chez lounge, as she asked me what it was I thought about during masturbation. I was ten-years-old.

*

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“THE GHASTLY TRUTH OF WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE A TEENAGER!”

There’s was no clapping when I read out loud my page of writing, but quite honestly I’m thankful. Despite thinking it’s some of my best work, I don’t like receiving praise… keep that in mind when you read it on this blog next week and think about posting any comments!

My sister turned 26, on Monday. Here’s a video of her 9th Birthday Party, from 1993. Hope you enjoy watching a bit of my past, I was 6-years-old (I also knew none of the words to It’s My Party)!

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