The End of 2010

And I have to post this now. Even though it’s not the end. Because once again I can’t get a fucking break. So sorry. But this is how I feel. THIS is tomsbrain. This is the big show I put on for you all stripped bare and poured out of my heart.

I can’t leave without speaking my mind, even though I’m in indescribable pain right now. I just keep asking why. Asking who. What. Answers. Were all going through life looking for answers. I don’t want answer. I just want a life. I hope I find it somewhere else. Because it’s not here. Everything is so fake. And I love it. I pretend to live it. But it wasn’t my life. It was a lie. I don’t even think I wanted a normal life in the end. I wanted a normal death. I’m certain of how I will die. In a hospital surrounded by beeping machines and wires attached to me. Like one last prison sentence keeping me tied to what is my one and only life. And I’m relieved to see it go. I’m sorry. But it’s true. There’s no ambition anymore no drive I’m just connecting myself to material obsessions in a bid to fool myself into thinking I want to go on. But I don’t. And if you’re Reading this then I have or am about to. But don’t be sad. There were real moments. Just fleeting. And I thank you. But I need to be at peace and accept that peace is now.


About tomsbrain

The central hub of all things Thomas McNab - a 33-year-old Yorkshire-born writer and filmmaker, living with a disability, and medicating himself with obscene amounts of films, television, and amateur wordplay. Find out more at

Posted on December 29, 2010, in Hospital, Posts. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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