Episode One « All Cleared Up

Act 4 – CALISTA is confronted by MOM-BOT, who has a face, legs and arms but her body resembles that of a ‘Dalek’, with a plunger-like arm protruding from her stomach.

MOM-BOT: Scanning DNA… Identified: Calista. Error: visual data does not correspond with DNA data. Threat: Maximum threat. DESTROY! DESTROY!

CALISTA dodges the rays of death that shoot from MOM-BOT’S plunger-like arm and hides behind the sofa.

CALISTA: I guess I can forget asking you to buy me a car.

JAMIE and JAMES run into the house and skid to a halt when they come face to metal with MOM-BOT.

MOM-BOT: Identify?
JAMIE: It’s me, Mom; Jamie.
MOM-BOT: Scanning DNA… Identified: Jamie. Known Relatives: Joyce, Mother, Deceased; Michael, Uncle Bogeyman, At large; Calista, Sister… Deceased!
JAMES: Oh no, we’re too late.
MOM-BOT: Identify?
JAMES: Oh I don’t have time for that…

JAMES tries to insert the disk into MOM-BOT but is shot by an x-ray and disintegrated.

JAMIE: OhMiGod! They killed Jamie.
CALISTA: You bastards!
MOM-BOT: Scanning DNA… Identified: James. Initiating particle reconstruction.

In a cheesy style, the last clip is just reversed and JAMES materialises in front of JAMIE.

JAMES: Oh! That tickled.
JAMIE: Oh no! Mom-Bot didn’t rematerial… regen… Bring back the floppy disk.
CALISTA: Wait! I have an idea.

CALISTA comes out from behind the sofa and stands just inches from MOM-BOT.

MOM-BOT: Identified: Calista. Error: visual data…
CALISTA: Ignore the visual data it’s me, Calista! Only I could have this DNA.
MOM-BOT: Threat…

There’s a big, dramatic pause.

MOM-BOT: Maximum threat.

MOM-BOT erects her ray-gun, preparing to shoot.

JAMES: Wow Impressive!
JAMIE: No, Mom-Bot; don’t kill Calista.

JAMIE stands in between CALISTA and the MOM-BOT.

JAMIE: If you look into your heart… or whatever’s in the centre of your cold metal body. You’ll see that this really is Calista, and the only reason you see her as a threat is because…

Equally dramatic pause.

JAMIE: I programmed you to.

Everyone opens their mouth wide, as the audience let out cries of shock.

JAMIE: I’m sorry, Calista; I just didn’t want you to leave for College.
CALISTA: Its okay, I understand.
JAMIE: You’re my sister, Calista, and – ha, I made a rhyme. And I was scared that if you went away you’d never come back.
CALISTA: I promise you I’ll come back. It’s only gonna be 9 months.
JAMIE: Wow, 9 months. I didn’t realise… Mom-Bot?
MOM-BOT: Yes, dear?
JAMIE: Lock her in the basement!

MOM-BOT shoots from her ray-gun but instead of killing CALISTA it floats her off the floor.

CALISTA: What are you doing? Jamie, help, tell her to stop. I can’t stay in the basement; I’m only contracted for one episode. Do something.
JAMIE: Did you hear that, James, Calista’s going to stay!
JAMES: Yippee!

JAMES and JAMIE hug and dance and JAMES kisses JAMIE

JAMIE: What the… Jamie, does this mean?
JAMES: Well you never know!

MOM-BOT returns from the basement.

MOM-BOT: Hey kids, how about I whip up some Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches?
JAMES: That sounds delicious, Mom-Bot! Maybe later you could show me some of the other things your plunger-arm is programmed to do.
JAMIE: Oh, Jamie!
JAMES: That’s me! Hey, do you think it matters that we didn’t upload that disc?

JAMIE and JAMES walk into the kitchen leaving MOM-BOT alone.

JAMIE: Probably not.
MOM-BOT: I will enslave the human race!
JAMIE: What was that, Mom?
MOM-BOT: Err; I said I will slave over your cooking device.
JAMIE: Silly, it’s called an oven.
MOM-BOT: Do not underestimate me!
JAMIE: Oh, Mom!
JAMIE, JAMES and MOM-BOT laugh and laugh as the credits roll. In the distance you can still hear CALISTA screaming.


“All Cleared Up” © 2005-2007 & 2010 Thomas John McNab. “James, The Professor & Jamie” Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.