Episode Three « All Cleared Up

Act 1 – Typical outdoor junior-high cafeteria setting. JAMES is sat at a table with JAMIE, who has been mumbling and rocking back and forth for the past seven minutes.

JAMES: Okay, the mumbling’s getting a little irritating now. Do you want me to put on my iPod?
JAMIE: Are you not the least bit interested as to why my mascara’s running and why my once bouncy hair is now a flat, greasy mess?
JAMES: Not particularly but I have a feeling you’re gonna tell me anyway.
JAMIE: You’re damn right I am! Ms. Fairchild gave me – me, the straight-A student who has never once stepped out of line, a freaking ‘F’.
JAMES: Jesus Christ, are you serious?
JAMIE: I know! I have never been more outraged in my life. But the most annoying thing is that she wasn’t even high on crack when she marked it, I checked it and that essay is one steamy pile of shit covered shit.
JAMES: Well what happened?
JAMIE: I don’t know. It seemed to make sense when I wrote it last week but come to think of it I was just coming down from all those E’s.
JAMES: Ecstasy?
JAMIE: No E numbers, you moron. Remember, we’d just had all those free Coke’s from the ‘Snack Shack’.
JAMES: That’s right! Then we went back to your house and smoked the last of Calista’s weed.
JAMIE: Uh-huh, and usually that puts me in the perfect mood to write an essay but for some reason I think I just zoned out. Well that is it; from now on I am hiring a proofreader.
JAMES: Is that like a tutor?
JAMIE: A tutor? Are you mad? I don’t need a tutor; clearly this is just a case of my absent mind playing tricks on me. No, you trust me; a proofreader is all I need and I’ll be back on track.

Miraculously in a mere second it is four days later and JAMIE is back in class with another essay in front of her. This time there is a ‘D’ on it.

JAMIE: A ‘D’, are you kidding me? Paolo!

JAMIE calls out to PAOLO, who is sat in the corner wearing a tie and his usual apron.

JAMIE: You are so fired!
PAOLO: Sé, yo fallo de a nuevo por favor a usted.
JAMIE: Is that supposed to be some kind of apology?
PAOLO: Puedo intentar otra vez, este vez con los cinco de mis dedos.
JAMIE: Ugh, that’s no excuse. You are just lucky I am taking you back to The Professor, otherwise you would be so deported.
PAOLO: Buena suerte con conseguir a alguien que pueda satisfacerle más que mí.