Episode Three « All Cleared Up
Act 2 – JAMIE is at The Laboratory. THE PROF. opens the door and sighs as JAMIE storms in, dragging PAOLO behind her by his tie.
JAMIE: Your maid is defective.
THE PROF.: My maid was never meant to handle the complex workings of a little girl’s science essay. He is built for cleaning and cleaning is what he does best.
PAOLO: Eso y dulce, el amar del dulce.
JAMIE: And what’s with him talking now? I liked it when he was all ‘Silent Bob’.
THE PROF.: Well I suppose with your foolish whore of a sister being AWOL for the next few episodes the writer had enough spare cash to hire a translator.
JAMIE: Looks like me and the writer are going to be having some pretty strong words.
PAOLO: Una palabra en detalle: Más difícilmente, un bebé más duro, más rápido.
PAOLO motions with his hand an act that makes THE PROF. blush and JAMIE scream.
JAMIE: Shut him up!
THE PROF.: Run along Paolo, there are shelves to be dusted.
PAOLO begins to loosen the tie around his neck until THE PROF. puts a hand up to stop him.
THE PROF.: No, leave it on. *winks*
JAMIE: Ugh, I’ll leave you two alone.
THE PROF.: Now wait one moment. I had a feeling you’d be back so I dug up this.
THE PROF. reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small disc like object with two pointy ends. He hands it to JAMIE who examines it.
JAMIE: Huh, I think I found one of these in my sister’s bedroom once.
THE PROF.: I think you’re mistaken. I call this a Cerebral Elevator, whenever you’re by yourself and in need of a clear train of thought simply squeeze the two ends together and it will emit a microsonic frequency wave that will allow you to accomplish the task at hand.
JAMIE: You are a genius.
THE PROF.: Well no-fucking-duh.
JAMIE goes to hug THE PROF. but he backs off.
THE PROF.: I’d rather not – no offence!
JAMIE: Oh, say no more. My best friend feels exactly the same way.
JAMES: Do you have a degree in stating the obvious or something?
JAMIE begins to leave but THE PROF. calls out before she does.
THE PROF.: Wait, there’s something I must tell you about the Cerebral Elevator. You must make sure that it is only switched on when you are alone. The wave it emits is only small but if it were to come into contact with another person then they too would be under the power of the device. And if that were to happen then the consequences would be unfathomable. A monumental disaster of epic…
JAMIE: Yeah, yeah I get it. God, I swear you get off on the sound of your own voice.
JAMIE leaves as THE PROF. heads over to one of his many experiments.
THE PROF.: Now, before she rudely interrupted me I was about to complete this. Damn, I’m talking to myself; I wish I had the Cerebral Elevator.
PAOLO (off screen): Pegan al profesor, mi cepillo de limpieza en mi área privada otra vez.
THE PROF.: Paolo, I’ve told you time and time again you’re not supposed to put it up there…