Episode Three « All Cleared Up

Act 4At school the next day, JAMIE approaches her Science class slowly. Like a scene out of a Western, MS. FAIRCHILD turns towards the door and meets JAMIE with a steely glaze. JAMIE returns this and quickly moves her hand to her pocket. MS. FAIRCHILD does the same. Together they each whip out a piece of stationary, JAMIE has a pencil and MS. FAIRCHILD has a red marker.

MS. FAIRCHILD: Why don’t you come on in, Jamie?
JAMIE: Oh I’ll come in.

JAMIE steps inside and kicks the door closed with her foot, knocking out a student who was arriving behind her.

JAMIE: You better make sure you bring it, cos I’m not here to play games.
MS. FAIRCHILD: Oh I brought it, laid it out on the table, squatted over it and took a big hefty…
JAMIE: Alright, alright, I get the picture.

JAMIE takes her seat as MS. FAIRCHILD begins to write on the board.

MS. FAIRCHILD: Class, this is Einstein’s Theory of… That thing he theorised. I want you all to write a two-hundred word paragraph explaining it.

The rest of the class groan and begin to take out some paper whilst JAMIE slowly waves her pencil in the air.

MS. FAIRCHILD: Is something the matter, Jamie; would you like to stay behind for some extra tuition?
JAMIE: Oh nothing’s the matter. I’m just finished, is all.
MS. FAIRCHILD: Finished with what?
JAMIE: The two-hundred words on Einstein’s Theory of…

There’s a big dramatic pause as this time the whole class lean along with MS. FAIRCHILD awaiting JAMIE’S answer.

JAMIE: Relativity.

The whole class begin to cheer as MS. FAIRCHILD storms to JAMIE’S desk and reads her essay. JAMIE sneers as MS. FAIRCHILD slams the paper down and storms out. As she leaves JAMES passes the room and peers inside to see what all the commotion is about.

JAMES: Why is it like Mardi Gras in here?
JAMIE: Because I just got my own back by showing that bitch who’s boss.
JAMES: You got your smarts back?
JAMIE: That’s right; I’m top of the class again.

At hearing this, the whole class stop cheering and begin to mumble and whisper insults under their breath as they leave.

JAMIE: Guys, come on. We can still have fun, I won’t monopolise the conversation with talks about stability in the middle… Oh, James; why can’t smarts and friendship go hand in hand?
JAMES: Because then who would be left for the ugly people to be friends with? Be thankful, at least you’re drop dead gorgeous and have an ass that won’t quit.
JAMIE: Wow impressive!

JAMES smacks JAMIE on the bum in a very 1920’s sexist fashion as they turn to see MS. FAIRCHILD marching towards her car.

JAMIE: Look at her running away with her tail between her legs.
JAMES: So the rumours were true!
JAMIE: Wait, what’s that.
JAMES: That trash can next to her car?
JAMIE: That’s no trash can, that’s my Mom-Bot!

JAMIE and JAMES rush out of the classroom, as outside MOM-BOT approaches MS. FAIRCHILD.

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