Episode Four « All Cleared Up
Act 3 – Outside JAMIE’S house JAMES is waiting impatiently at the door, hoping to speak to JAMIE again. Suddenly, PAOLO comes rushing over.
JAMES: Paolo! What are you doing here?
PAOLO: I had spare time and wanted to see you.
JAMES: You wanted to see me, really?
JAMIE smiles and blushes as PAOLO nods moronically. As they’re about to leave MOM-BOT answers the door.
JAMES: Well why don’t we go find a nice quiet place where we can make all the noise we want.
MOM-BOT: Friends of Jamie please come in and sample some of my delicious treats.
JAMES: Oh no, you can tell Jamie that I’m the one avoiding her this time.
MOM-BOT: I cannot, Jamie is not here.
JAMES: She’s not? Oh, well do you know where she is?
MOM-BOT: Negative. You must come in now.
MOM-BOT uses her mechanical strength to pull JAMES and PAOLO inside and guide them into kitchen. A selection of baked goods are all set out in trays and cake stands around the kitchen, there’s even a two-foot tall wedding cake with trimmings on in the corner.
JAMES: What’s with all the sugary goodness, mom? Are you expecting a lot of visitors or something?
MOM-BOT: A mother can often be found in the kitchen baking a cake when a child returns home from school.
JAMES: And let me guess, Jamie’s been coming home late from school a lot lately?
MOM-BOT: Affirmative, it is important for a child to be involved in extra-curricular activities.
JAMES: This is ridiculous; Jamie hasn’t got any school spirit. It’s our policy.
PAOLO: I was cheerleader back in home town; the football team laughed at me. Les demostré que que los pom-poms no eran la única cosa mis manos eran bueno en tirar. Ooh, pink frosting.
JAMES: Mom-Bot, this is ridiculous. Couldn’t you track Jamie using your satellite navigation or something?
MOM-BOT: Negative. A mother must trust her child and would never plant a homing device secretly on her being whilst she was sleeping. Coincidentally, I have just learnt she is in apartment 3c on Ford-Coppola Drive.
JAMES: That’s where she was the other day. What could be she be doing there that’s more important than hanging out with me?
PAOLO: Tiene probablemente algo hacer con su período.
JAMES: What did you just say?
PAOLO (talking with a mouth full of frosting): Her period. Mmm-mmm, to da-mmm professor for help n-mmm-with her… mmm!
JAMES: OhMiGod, no wonder she’s been so quiet. I have to go talk to her.
MOM-BOT: Negative, you must try my macaroons while they’re still dangerously hot from the oven.
JAMES: I know you don’t understand humans but this is a big deal.
MOM-BOT: Question: What is a period?
JAMES: Great. Trust The Professor to build a robot that has no idea whatsoever about the female anatomy. Um Paolo, some help?
PAOLO: Oh no. no más tacto de las mujeres I después del abuso que marcó con una cicatriz mentalmente.
JAMES: Great! Er, mom? When a young girl reaches a certain age of maturity she begins to… change.
MOM-BOT: I see.
MOM-BOT begins to shake and electrical sparks fly from her body as JAMES uses this opportunity to go see JAMIE.
JAMES: Paolo, if she leaves call The Professor and tell him his stupid robot’s gone homicidal again.
PAOLO: James, look!
PAOLO points to the wedding cake which now has half a layer missing and the groom mannequin missing his pants.
PAOLO: I make groom wear veil! Aren’t I devil?
JAMES: Where are his pants?
PAOLO: I checked. She must be marrying him for money!
JAMES: Ugh, just keep her from leaving and I’ll go get Jamie.
JAMES leaves as PAOLO continues to eat. Suddenly, MOM-BOT stops shaking and raises her laser-arm as it pulsates an angry red.
PAOLO: My God. No he visto algo que grande y el rojo desde la noche yo perdió mi…