Episode Five « All Cleared Up
Act 2 – JAMES has convinced JAMIE to invite DANNY over to her house tonight for a study-session, and then maybe more! JAMES takes out his mobile phone and dials a number, on the other end a familiar voice answers.
JAMES: Paolo, it’s James. Rendezvous at Jamie’s house this afternoon around three?
JAMES: Of course you, silly.
PAOLO: But wouldn’t you rather have assistance of Professor?
In the professor’s lab, PAOLO is speaking on his mobile phone whilst in the background JAMES can overhear THE PROF., who is working on a disarmed MOM-BOT.
THE PROF.: I told you to hold all my calls, Paolo.
PAOLO: It’s the annoying girl and her cute boyfriend.
THE PROF.: Well, tell them that Mom-Bot won’t be ready for another day yet.
JAMES (to Jamie): The Professor said that Mom-Bot won’t be back until tomorrow.
JAMIE: Oh that’s okay; I’ve been fine on my own.
JAMES: On your own? What about Calista?
In a very sitcom-like way the scene cuts to the JAMIE’S basement, where a disheveled CALISTA is sitting on the floor rocking back and forth, muttering to herself. The scene cuts back and JAMIE widens her eyes.
JAMIE: Oh shit!
JAMES: What? Did you forget to change her water bowl?
JAMIE: Yeah… but I just remembered I forgot to return her library book. Do you think she’ll be mad?
JAMES: About the library book, not so much. Now the imprisonment could get you crossed off the Christmas card list… that is if she’s out by Christmas.
PAOLO: Hello? Still on fucking phone here!
JAMES: I know! So can you make it?
PAOLO: I’ll be there with bells on.
PAOLO hangs up and walks over to assist THE PROF. with his work on MOM-BOT.
PAOLO (singing): I go over to Jamie’s house and yooou are not.
THE PROF. pauses for a moment and peers at PAOLO over the top of the rims on his pair of goggles.
THE PROF.: Are you sure you aren’t being set up?
PAOLO: No, I am not being… hold on.
PAOLO flips up his mobile phone and calls JAMES back.
JAMES: …I walk in and there’s vomit everywhere! So I says to her, I says, Mabel… ooh! That feels good!
JAMIE: What was she doing exactly to make you say that?
JAMES: No! My phone’s vibrating, someone’s calling me.
JAMES takes out his mobile phone from his pocket and answers it.
PAOLO: I not butt of some practical joker, am I?
JAMES: No! I was being sincere.
JAMIE: Who is it?
JAMES: It’s Paolo again, he wanted to make sure that if he came over he wouldn’t be ass-raped this time.
JAMIE: Well I think I can keep my urges under control, but as for you…
PAOLO: What she say? I still on medication from last time, you know?
JAMES: I promise you, your ass will leave Jamie’s house untouched.
JAMIE: Don’t make promises you can’t keep!
JAMES: Would you hush. Do you want me to help you or not?
PAOLO: Who are we helping?
JAMES: We’re gonna help Jamie get ready for her study-session with this hot boy she likes.
PAOLO: A makeover? Detrás, en ciudad natal me refirieron como “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”!
JAMES: Well think, less straight-cum-metrosexual…
JAMIE: Ha, you said cum!
JAMES: …More Rosanne Barr-cum-The Pussycat Dolls.
PAOLO hangs up again and grins like a Cheshire cat at THE PROF..
PAOLO: I’m going over at three. They want me to do a job.
THE PROF.: Well, whatever it is I’m sure you can get it done.
PAOLO: A veces con mi pene.
THE PROF.: Er, right. If you don’t mind, this is precise work and I can’t be doing with any distractions.
PAOLO: I collect my supplies then I am out of professor’s hair for rest of day.
THE PROF.: Whilst I spend the rest of this episode doing fuck-all!