Episode Five « All Cleared Up

Act 3 – It’s about 10 minutes after 3pm, JAMIE, JAMES and PAOLO are in JAMIE’S bedroom. On the bed there’s a collection of clothes and on the dresser there’s a tool box of make-up. PAOLO is looking through the colours of nail varnish, handing some colours to JAMES.JAMIE is stood holding a blouse in front of her body.

PAOLO: We need to choose bold colour, something that will ensure boy does not notice your… lack of assets.
JAMES: I hardly think a straight guy is going to be distracted by what colour her nails are.

JAMES lines up the coloured bottles and begins to paint his own nails instead as PAOLO walks over to JAMIE.

PAOLO: Perhaps. We go with different top and something short in skirt that will draw attention to your pleasing attributes.
JAMIE: No, no, no! This is hopeless.

JAMIE throws down the blouse and pouts.

JAMIE: I’m never going to look as appealing as Tiffany Brantford and those girls. You know there’s writing on the bathroom stalls about them, how can I compete with that?
JAMES: We have writing in the boys’ bathroom too… mostly about myself… so see, it doesn’t mean anything! Get a grip of yourself woman!

JAMES over-dramatically slaps JAMIE.

JAMES: Too soon?
JAMIE: A little. I’ll let you know when I’m hysterical. Right now I’m merely on edge.
PAOLO: Spaz sea la palabra más apropiada.
JAMES: Is that helping? Why don’t you do what you do best and pick out some outfits to model. There’s a padded bra over there but we don’t have time for you to change in the bathroom so you can just strip right here.

As JAMES mischievously smiles, PAOLO goes to grab some clothes, but notices JAMIE holding a skirt in her hands.

PAOLO: Jamie, you look like you have something to say.
JAMIE: Well… I can’t, I feel foolish. I guess the only way I could convey how I feel would be through an elaborate musical number, something in the tone of ‘The Little Mermaid’.
JAMES: Yeah, because that’s sane!
PAOLO: Hush! Go on, Jamie.

JAMES rolls his eyes and goes back to applying make-up to his nails as PAOLO turns the stereo on and JAMIE begins to sing.

JAMIE: Look at this stuff, isn’t it nice.
Using it makes me feel I’m twice the price.
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl,
The girl who has everything?
But there’s a void, deep in my soul.
A yearning I need to fulfil, to unfurl.
Looking around here you’d think,
JAMES (spoken): What a spoilt brat!
JAMIE: I’ve got make-up and fine clothes to spare,
Got a sister who’s locked in the floor.
My Mom-Bot? Sure, she cares.
But so what? Who gives a fuck?
I want more!

I wanna be where my peers are.
Fooling around in the back of a car.
Boys going out with their, what do you call them?
PAOLO (spoken): Whores.
JAMIE: No! (Singing) Dates.
Batting my eyes I don’t get too far.
Only those girls who have breasts get the boys.
They go out to the, what’s that word again?
JAMES (spoken): The STD Clinic?
JAMIE: Park.
Forget the past,
Live for today.
I’m going to get the guy and they’ll say:
Look at that bitch, she’s such a witch.
How did she bag, that guy
JAMES (spoken): He’s probably a fag.
JAMIE: Shut up, you jerk; my plan’s going to work.
Now it’s my turn!

What will they say when we show up,
Holding each others’ hand?
What will I do when we’re alone,
This evening?
Betcha he’s in to all those things,
And into everything and more.
JAMES (spoken): And if he isn’t?
JAMIE: Screw it, I’ll just fake it.
There’s nothing to it.

Ready to live like those people live,
I’m gonna show every one of those bastards,
I’m just like them and I’m, what’s the word?
PAOLO: Loose.
JAMIE: I want to be,
Young, hot and wild.
I do not want to be just a child.
I want that boy to come and be,
Part of my world.

JAMIE stands up on her chair and holds her jazz hands high in the air as JAMES and PAOLO look on and wait for what seems like forever for her to stop singing.

JAMES: Do you think maybe we could get started now?
JAMIE: Oh, sure! Pass me the lip gloss.