Episode Five « All Cleared Up

Act 5 – That night, JAMIE asks JAMES to sleepover as she doesn’t feel safe in her room alone. CALISTA has got herself cleaned up and has just finished up a meal with her sister and JAMES. Joining the pair in the living room she sits down and turns off the TV.

JAMES: Argh, the numbers! The numbers!
CALISTA: This’ll just take a second.
JAMIE: Calista, I am so sorry about…
CALISTA: You don’t have to apologise, you did nothing wrong. Don’t let him make you think you lead him on.
JAMIE: Um… okay.
CALISTA: I think it’s about time someone sat both of you down to have… the talk.
JAMES: I thought you said this was going to take a second.
JAMIE: Jamie, let Calista talk. I don’t know about you but personally I want to know these things.
JAMES: I thought you were studying this in science?
CALISTA: Science can’t teach you everything. And considering what happened today I think both of you need a harsh reality check.
JAMIE: That all men are animals?
CALISTA: I don’t want to put you off dating forever, but there’s really no call for you to be looking for long-term boyfriends anyway. I know it might seem like everyone else is doing it and some boys who like you will be more experienced than you, but that’s no reason for you to feel like you have to catch up. Enjoy you’re youth and embrace your innocence.
JAMIE: Don’t insult us, we know stuff.
JAMES: Yeah, we’re mature.
CALISTA: Vagina.

JAMES and JAMIE burst out laughing and try to calm each other down but eventually they are on the floor with tears streaming down their cheeks in hysterics.

CALISTA: Will you two just promise me that you’ll take my advice and just have fun, take care and always stick together?

The pair regain their composure and look at each other smiling.

JAMES: I promise next time you’re on a date I’ll be there the whole time to support you and make sure you’re safe.
JAMIE: And I promise the next time… wait, why are you having this talk? What happened with you and Paolo?
JAMES: I don’t want to talk about it.
CALISTA: So, can I leave you two in Mom-Bot’s capable hands?
JAMIE: Um, Mom-Bot isn’t here?
CALISTA: What?! You didn’t lose her did you?
JAMES: She’s at The Professor’s having repairs.
JAMIE: Yeah, she’ll be gone until tomorrow.
CALISTA: I see.

Suddenly CALISTA gets up and runs out of the house.

JAMIE: Oh, thanks for nothing!
JAMES: Well can you blame her? You do keep locking her in your basement.
JAMIE: And now do you see why? First sign of freedom she’s out and gone forever. She spouts out all that crap about sticking together when she can’t even stand to stay one night with me.
JAMES: Would you have let her leave in the morning?
JAMIE: Yes… maybe… if she made me breakfast.
JAMES: What about what she said, do you think it’s true?
JAMIE: What, that we’re not ready for a serious relationship yet?
JAMES: I know I’m always the first one to joke around and flirt, but to be honest I don’t think I’m ready for all of that.
JAMIE: I know in my song I said I wanted to be like Tiffany Brantford and those other girls, but after tonight’s wake up call I realise now that they’re nothing to idolise. They’ve all lost something that they’re never gonna get back.
JAMES: Their souls?
JAMIE: I’m talking about their virginity. And I’m not ready to lose that yet.
JAMES: But how will we know when we’re ready. What if we miss the boat altogether and end up being old, alone and bitter.
JAMIE: I guess we’ll just know, deep down.
JAMES: With seventeen cats and a subscription to the Lifetime network, ’cause we’re too fat and old to go out and find real love.
JAMIE: No! Don’t say such things.
JAMES: What if we were to… no.
JAMIE: What?
JAMES: Well… like, add another thing to our list of things we’ll do together if we never find anyone else to do them with.
JAMIE: What do you suggest adding?
JAMES: I dunno… maybe we could, you know?
JAMIE: I… guess. What would that involve exactly?
JAMES: Well… I’m not saying I’ll like it, but maybe for the experience… I could…
JAMIE: Do you wanna, maybe… kiss me?
JAMES: No!

JAMES blushes and turns the opposite way.

JAMIE: I won’t tell anyone… we can just do it, real quick and get it out of the way to avoid anything like this every happening again.
JAMES: How many guys who can’t keep their pants zipped up do you plan on inviting over?
JAMIE: I can’t very well ask them to fill out a survey. If we got this out of the way, we wouldn’t be so nervous and we could stand up for ourselves. To be honest, part of the reason he took advantage of me was because I wanted him to.
JAMES: I know what you mean. Like, you didn’t want to feel like you’re the only one who hasn’t done it.
JAMIE: It? You’re not talking about me and you doing… that. Are you?
JAMES: No! What I meant was… would you find it weird? If I wanted to… kiss you.
JAMIE: Do you want to kiss me?
JAMES: I want to know that, had I ever gotten the opportunity, I wouldn’t be afraid to turn it down… I mean, maybe you were right. Maybe there’s no such thing as being gay from birth. How would I know, if I didn’t try it?

JAMIE shuffles next to JAMES and they face each other.

JAMIE: I guess this is it then…
JAMES: We’re gonna kiss?
JAMIE: I have to be honest, I’ve never actually kissed a boy properly before.
JAMES: I’ve never kissed a girl before either. I’m not gonna turn straight am I?
JAMIE: It’d be a first.
JAMES: Look at us! Calista was right. We’re not ready for this, we’re not mature.
JAMIE: I guess we all have to grow up sometime.

JAMIE closes her eyes tight and slowly leans in as JAMES stays still with his eyes wide, wanting to make sure no-one sees them. Just as she’s about to kiss him JAMIE pauses, opens her eyes and looks at JAMES.

JAMIE: Why do your lips smell like tacos?

*END CREDITS*

“All Cleared Up” © 2005-2007 & 2010 Thomas John McNab. “James, The Professor & Jamie” Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.

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