Episode Seven « All Cleared Up
Act 1 – JAMIE is in her bedroom with JAMES. She pulls out a pair of socks from her drawer and sits on her bed to put them on whilst JAMES fidgets next to her and adjusts his trousers.
JAMIE: Eww, stop that.
JAMES: It’s uncomfortable. And anyway, if you didn’t want me picking things out of my bottom you shouldn’t have told Mom-Bot to rape me with a muffin.
JAMIE: You know how she likes to take things literally.
JAMES: I do now! Anyway, what have I done that pissed you off so much you felt the need to get your Foster Mother to abuse me?
JAMIE: You weren’t around when Tiffany Brantford and her mindless clique were bullying me, again.
JAMES: I’m sorry, but our comedic youth club ran late; we were waiting for Piper Laurie to show up. What were they teasing you about this time?
JAMIE: It doesn’t matter what they said; I just wish you’d have been there to back me up.
JAMES: I’m always there for you; I just wasn’t there for you. Next time I see her I’ll totally dump a bucket o’ blood over her head… Piper Laurie said, out of the entire group, I was the best!
JAMIE: *Sigh* I guess that might help a little.
JAMES: What did she say? I can tell it really got to you, I can see it in your eyes… it kinda looks like the number two.
JAMIE: Oh, stupid contacts. Must have not put them in right…
JAMIE walks over to her dresser by the window and adjusts her contact lens in the mirror. When she looks out of the window she sees a man standing in her neighbour’s backyard. She blinks a couple of times, thinking it’s her contact lens that’s messing with her eyesight, and the man disappears. JAMES notices JAMIE looking concerned.
JAMES: What is it?
JAMIE: I thought I saw somebody standing in old-man Jenkins’ backyard.
JAMES: Probably old-man Jenkins.
JAMIE: He was watching me.
JAMES: Old-man Jenkins was watching you? Jamie, old-man Jenkins is eighty-seven!
JAMIE: He can still watch.
JAMES: It’s probably all he can do… that and eat fried chicken whilst jerkin’ off and watching Showtime.
JAMIE: Eww! You don’t think that’s what he was doing there do you, watching me whilst I was getting changed?
JAMES runs over to JAMIE’S window and looks outside.
JAMES: Clean white sheets… how inconspicuous.
JAMIE: Eww, don’t. I won’t be able to sleep tonight.
JAMES: Then don’t sleep, be my date to the costume party.
JAMIE: I don’t know…
JAMES: Come on, The Professor finally agreed to have this party and now you don’t want to come?
JAMIE: If it were any other day…
JAMES: It’d be a bit dense to throw a scary-costume party on the day after Halloween.
JAMIE: I understand, but you don’t want to go with me. Won’t Paolo be there waiting for you?
JAMES: Yeah, but I don’t want to look desperate.
JAMIE: Face it, Jamie, you are desperate.
JAMES: Well I don’t know want him to know that. Come on…
JAMIE: Fine. I’ll go.
JAMES: Really? Boy that was easy.
JAMIE: Well originally I put up more of a battle but the writers had to cut some stuff cos this episode went over.
JAMES: Really, anything juicy?
JAMIE: Um, I think one of us got pregnant and someone shot a duck, but that was it.
JAMES: Any explicitness.
JAMIE: You know it, bitch.
JAMES: Oh snap!
JAMES takes JAMIE by the hand and leads her down the stairs into her living room.
JAMES: Come on.
JAMIE: What is it?
JAMES slides out a box that’s about as big as a dog kennel. It has a sign loosely taped on it that says “Halloween Stuff” in a red, blood-dripping font.
JAMIE: Oh! Yours, I presume.
JAMES: Come on, you remember The Box?
JAMIE: I remember it; I just don’t remember it being so full.
JAMES: I restocked it after we stayed in that haunted castle last year. We were in such a hurry to leave I almost left all of it there.
JAMIE begins to root around the surface and pulls out a spiked dog-collar and ball-gag.
JAMIE: I don’t really think I wanna wear any of this stuff.
JAMES: Wait, wait… let me find you the whip to go with that.
JAMIE: No! All of this stuff is too extreme; I just want to wear something normal.
JAMES: It’s a costume party, you have to dress up.
JAMIE: Haven’t you got any fun outfits, like a cowgirl or a superhero?
JAMES: I have a maid’s outfit… but I sort of wanted to save that for Paolo!
JAMIE: Fine! That’s it, I’m not going.
JAMES: No, come on! We’ll go to the Drugstore round the corner; they’ll have something lame and dull.
JAMIE: I don’t wanna go out again.
JAMES: Come on… we can make fun of the sales assistant, that always cheers you up. I can make her check the price of tampons and pile-cream!
JAMIE: Oh, okay!
JAMES: Good! Now get moving, bee-yotch!
JAMES slaps JAMIE on the bum in a very 1920’s sexist fashion as she skips out of the door, only to be met by CALISTA who’s on her way inside.
CALISTA: What are you two doing? Getting up to more mischief I assume.
JAMIE: We’re going to buy a costume for the Halloween party that’s at The Professor’s tonight.
CALISTA: Oh, I heard about that… have fun.
CALISTA walks in and notices the box of miscellaneous Halloween items on the floor. As she bends down to take a look inside a rotting zombie hand bursts out and grabs her own hand.