Episode Seven « All Cleared Up
Act 4 – As night falls, JAMIE, JAMES and CALISTA are in the living room at JAMIE’S house.
JAMIE: Thank you for staying with me.
JAMES: No problem, I wanted to be sure you’d stay safe.
JAMIE: But wouldn’t you rather be at the party?
JAMES: No. So what if I, probably, missed the only night I’ll ever have… to work my magic on Paolo…
JAMES: Friends come first…(under his breath) bitch.
CALISTA: Okay! So what movies have you rented?
JAMES: Oh, they had a discount: three scary movies for six dollars and sixty-six cents. I got I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Grudge and Simply Irresistible .
CALISTA: Simply Irresistible isn’t a scary movie.
JAMES: You obviously haven’t seen Sarah Michelle Gellar act in it, then.
JAMIE: I don’t wanna watch a scary movie. I’m terrified enough that my Uncle’s come back to kill me without having to watch some big-breasted, blonde-bimbo run up the stairs to escape a maniac with a sore throat and a hook for a hand.
CALISTA: Well maybe you should just get some sleep.
JAMIE: I can’t rest, I’m too tense. Will you sing to me?
JAMES: Dear God, no!
CALISTA: How about I tell you a story.
JAMIE: Okay, tell me something nice and relaxing, like a fairytale.
CALISTA: Any requests? Cinderella, Snow White, Thumbelina…
JAMIE: Any of those.
CALISTA: Oh? I actually don’t know any of those, I just knew their names.
JAMIE: Then make something up, Foolish Whore.
CALISTA: Fine! Um… once upon a time there lived three women; a mother and her two daughters. But then one day the mother died and the eldest daughter, Calista, was left to look after her younger sister, Jamie. Finding little time to study, and life alone with a bratty teenager pushing her towards alcoholism, Calista sought the help of a wise young professor who built a Mom-Bot to look after Jamie so Calista could attend college and regular “AA” meetings when necessary. Together, they all lived happily ever after…
CALISTA: Excuse me?
JAMES: You left me out of the story.
CALISTA: Oh… Well, this is a fairytale; there are no homosexuals in fairytales.
JAMES: Hello?! Fairy tale… and Jack was so gay.
CALISTA: No he wasn’t.
JAMIE: Which Jack are you talking about, the one from Jack and Jill?
JAMES: No, I meant Jack as in Jack and the Beanstalk.
CALISTA: Oh, I thought you were talking about Jack as in Jack Sprat.
JAMES: Who’s that?
CALISTA: I don’t know, I already told you I don’t know any fairytales.
JAMIE (interrupting): This isn’t helping, I’m still wide awake.
The phone rings, CALISTA goes to answer it.
JAMES: I can do a better job than her. Once upon a time, a dashing young prince named Tarquin was banished to the tallest tower of his family’s kingdom after he was caught doing lines of cocaine off a prostitutes back.
JAMIE: Shut up.
JAMES: The royal family claimed their son had died suddenly, when in reality he was kept as a prisoner and, abandoned by his family, Tarquin fell into a deep depression and remained on the brink of suicide. On the day of his planned martyrdom – which was to involve hanging himself by his own hair – a cry from yonder window broke and, who should appear, but Tarquin’s prostitute lover, Mabel.
JAMIE: I will pay you to shut up.
CALISTA: Listen, since my story telling abilities are about as good as my acting and Jamie didn’t rent any light-hearted films I’m going to go over to the video store and choose something else.
JAMIE: You’re leaving?
CALISTA: I won’t be gone too long.
CALISTA sets off to leave as JAMES rushes over to the door with the films in his hand.
JAMES: You might as well take these back then.
CALISTA: Listen, don’t tell Jamie, but that was the police on the phone. They want me to come down to the station to identify a body.
CALISTA: I’ll be as quick as I can. I’m trusting you to keep her safe.
JAMES: I will, I will… So you’re not going to the video store then, are you?
CALISTA rolls her eyes and snatches the films from JAMES as she leaves. Outside, a shadowy figure watches CALISTA drive off.