Episode Seven « All Cleared Up

Act 7 – JAMES, MOM-BOT, THE PROF. and PAOLO are all stood around CALISTA and the lifeless body.

JAMES: Quick, somebody call an ambulance.
MOM-BOT: I did it twelve seconds ago; I told them there were two dead bodies.

Suddenly, MOM-BOT lurches for CALISTA. THE PROF. manages to disable MOM-BOT just before she reaches her.

CALISTA: I deserve it, I’ve killed Jamie.
THE PROF.: Why do you even have a gun, anyway?
CALISTA: It got it ages ago to protect myself from Mom-Bot. I figured it might come in useful tonight, should the worse happen. And the worse did happen, I killed…
JAMIE: Hey guys, what’s going on?

Everybody turns to see JAMIE walking into the main hall from behind a door.

JAMES: Jamie!
CALISTA: I don’t understand.
THE PROF.: I do…

As JAMES hugs JAMIE, CALISTA stands up and THE PROF. pulls off the mask covering the lifeless body’s face.

JAMIE: Uncle Bogeyman!
CALISTA: Oh, thank God! We all thought it was you.
JAMIE: You mistook me for a six-foot tall, 200-pound man!?
CALISTA: He looks a lot smaller on the floor.
THE PROF.: But why is he wearing the same costume as Jamie?
JAMIE: I knew I saw someone at the drug store; he must have seen me buy my costume and bought the same one.
PAOLO: ¡Bastardo enfermo!
JAMES: Where were you, Jamie?
JAMIE: I was in The Professor’s bathroom. I got sidetracked looking at all his products.
JAMES: Products!?
THE PROF.: You don’t think I just wake up on a morning looking this good.
PAOLO: I’ll say!
CALISTA: I think I hear the ambulance…

The ambulance arrives and the body of UNCLE BOGEYMAN is zipped up and taken into the back of the van. Everyone watches it drive off into the night.

CALISTA: How does it feel now it’s all over?
JAMIE: Don’t say that. I won’t be happy until I know he’s dead and buried.
JAMES: And even then, one wayward bolt of lightening and he could rise-up from the dead.
THE PROF.: With only one thing on his mind.
PAOLO: Revenge!
MOM-BOT: And we are all to blame, he could come after any one of us.
CALISTA: So none of us are truly safe anymore.
JAMIE: Wow… that actually makes me feel a little better, knowing that, finally, I won’t be the only one living in fear.
JAMES: I smell a sequel!
JAMIE: I smell nachos.
MOM-BOT: That’s me, anyone want some?

MOM-BOT opens herself up and pulls out a tray of nachos.

CALISTA: Well we’re all here, why don’t we start that party now?
THE PROF.: Excuse me, this is my house and I’ll say when the party starts.
JAMES: Come on, Professor. Loosen up, it’s not everyday you get to see a real-life psychopath.
PAOLO: You see him when I use all his hair product; now that’s what I call psychopath!

Everyone laughs and enjoys the Halloween party as, far away from the laboratory, the ambulance is on its way to the hospital.

PARAMEDIC #1: Why do you suppose they cut to us?
PARAMEDIC #2: Maybe something hilarious is about to happen.
PARAMEDIC #1: I hope so; the life of a paramedic hasn’t been as exciting as Grey’s Anatomy led me to believe.

Just then, the seemingly dead body breaks out of the body bag and begins to savage the two paramedics. The ambulance flips off a bridge and crashes into a stream below. As the backdoor falls open
UNCLE BOGEYMAN is carried downstream by the current, far away from Sitcomland, yet still very much alive.


“All Cleared Up” © 2005-2007 & 2010 Thomas John McNab. “James, The Professor & Jamie” Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.