Episode Eight « All Cleared Up
JAMES is sat in the FOSTER’S living room with CALISTA watching “Tarzan”.
JAMES: You know when the animators are drawing Tarzan, do you suppose they draw his loincloth after they’ve drawn his body or at the same time?
CALISTA: It’s a cartoon, Jamie. I don’t think they go into that much detail.
JAMES: Aw but, come on, haven’t you ever wondered what he’s packing under there?
CALISTA: Not really, it’s a pretty small cloth.
JAMES: He’s living in the jungle, for Christ’s sake! If this were anything like real life he wouldn’t even be wearing that stupid sheet. What are we supposed to believe, that Jane came along and all of a sudden he got modest?
CALISTA laughs just as, from out of the kitchen, MOM-BOT walks in carrying a pitcher of lemonade and a glass.
MOM-BOT: Here you are, Jamie, a nice, cool, refreshing glass of my homemade lemoned-ade for you.
JAMES: Oh thanks but, it’s pronounced “Lemonade”.
MOM-BOT: Of course it is, how silly of me.
CALISTA: And you forgot to bring me a glass.
MOM-BOT: How dare you imply that I am feebleminded! You shall be punished greatly for such insolence…
JAMES: No, Mom-Bot. Remember, we use our words to fight not our mechanically-enhanced bodies.
MOM-BOT: Once again, you have taught me a valuable lesson.
CALISTA: Can I get that glass now?
MOM-BOT pauses and opens her mouth slightly as the sound of an inkjet printer signals the arrival of a piece of paper feeding out through the opening. She tears it off and passes it to CALISTA.
CALISTA: What’s this?
MOM-BOT: My words.
MOM-BOT goes back into the kitchen as JAMES snatches the piece of paper from CALISTA.
JAMES: Get it yourself, you c…ore blimey! (Laughing) I didn’t know she knew that word.
CALISTA: I don’t get it, why is she only hostile towards me?
JAMES: Well you did almost shoot Jamie last week.
CALISTA: That was just a misunderstanding.
JAMES: I hope you’ve left your gun at home today.
CALISTA: I don’t carry it around with me all the time, only in extreme… oh, never mind.
JAMES: Anyway, so as I was saying before Mom-Bot came in, imagine Mabel’s surprise when she tries to light her cigarette and her whole dress goes up in flames!
CALISTA: Jamie, it doesn’t matter what order you tell the story in she’s always going to end up dead.
JAMES: No one ever has any fucking respect for Mabel.
CALISTA: You told me she was a hooker, Jamie. I don’t even think Mabel had any respect for herself.
JAMES: It’s not like she chose the damn job.
CALISTA: Wasn’t her dad an entrepreneur?
JAMES: Oh, is that what they’re calling them nowadays? Ooh, I’m Calista, my uncle was an entrepreneur.
CALISTA: Hey, don’t let Jamie hear you talking like that… where is she anyway?
JAMES: Apparently she had to stay behind after class.
CALISTA: Apparently? What, don’t you believe her?
JAMES: No, something isn’t right. Ever since I found out about her past I feel like she’s keeping things from me.
Right on cue, JAMIE bursts into the house and doesn’t stop walking as she heads upstairs, each step receiving an even more brutal stomp from her shoes than the one preceding it.
CALISTA: Hmm, whatever gave you that impression?
Various pre-filmed footage of the character’s jumping around a park intercut with future scenes from the show. Each character’s name is pulled on by a hoping CGI bunny.
“Every birthday, my mom would say to me,
You’re another year older and you’re still getting spottier.
But then she died and I moved in with my sister,
I’m called Jamie, she’s Calista and our Mom is a robot!
All Cleared Up!
I really wanna scream it loud!
All Cleared Up!
I want them all to know!
All Cleared Up!
I really hope that things will be,
All Cleared Up for me!”