Episode Nine « All Cleared Up

Act 5A drowsy JAMIE slowly sits up as CALISTA joins her on the couch.
CALISTA: Are you okay?
JAMIE: Wha-What happened?
CALISTA: Don’t you remember?
JAMIE: We got out? Jamie, where’s Jamie?
CALISTA: Jamie… I don’t know how to tell you this.
CALISTA: He deleted The O-C off your Tivo.
JAMIE: What?
JAMES walks down the stairs.
JAMES: Has she woken up yet?
JAMIE: Jamie!
JAMIE jumps off the couch and throws her arms around JAMES as she tries to kiss him.
JAMES: What the hell is wrong with you?
THE PROF. walks into the room along with MOM-BOT.
JAMIE: Stay back, don’t you come any closer.
THE PROF.: Oh no, I broke her.
MOM-BOT: Jamie, take it easy.
JAMIE: Can someone tell me what the hell is going on.
CALISTA: You must have bumped your head pretty hard.
JAMIE: My head…
CALISTA: You fell, down the manhole.
JAMIE: But, we escaped the mob… didn’t we?
THE PROF.: Funny thing about that, when you fell unconscious.
JAMIE: You mean when you dropped me.
THE PROF.: You slipped, Jamie. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold on but luckily Mom-Bot managed to catch you before you hit the floor.
JAMES: Otherwise who knows what could have happened.
JAMIE: So, you didn’t malfunction?
MOM-BOT: Just some interference.
JAMIE: And the mob…
JAMIE recognises BRANDON’S voice and turns to see him stood in the doorway.
JAMIE: Brandon, what are you doing here?
CALISTA: See, the mob actually turned out to be a bunch of people from the village who wanted to thank Mom-Bot for burning down Costco, because they didn’t want the commercialisation that comes with corporate businesses like that to infringe upon the local economy. When they explained that to me, I let them in.
BRANDON: My mom was ecstatic, thank you again so much.
MOM-BOT: It was nothing… really, I did not mean to. I am sorry!
CALISTA: Come on; let me show you how to shop online.
CALISTA leaves the room with MOM-BOT. JAMIE stares intensely at THE PROF..
THE PROF.: I should be going.
JAMIE: Not so fast, there are still some things that don’t make sense. I accept that I dreamt the whole evil-professor-shoots-Jamie scenario.
JAMES: You killed me off in your dream?! Fuck you.
JAMIE: It was precious really, you would have loved it. Imogen Heap was playing in the background whilst I cried.
JAMES: Ha, I was trying to wake you up by playing it.
THE PROF.: Yes, it almost drove us insane.
JAMIE: Speaking of insane, are you or are you not an evil professor.
THE PROF.: Of course I’m not evil, don’t you trust me after everything I’ve done for you.
BRANDON: Listen, it’s been a long night and we’re all tired. Why don’t I take you home before you end up saying something you regret.
JAMIE: Home… I’m already home.
BRANDON puts his arm around JAMIE and guides her out of the house as JAMES closes the door behind them.
JAMES: You understand why she’s paranoid; I mean you do keep your private life…
THE PROF.: Private! I don’t take pleasure from airing out my dirty laundry in public like you lot.
JAMES: Well that’s fine but it hardly makes entertaining TV now, does it? You don’t want to end up going the same way as Chris Carmack do you?
THE PROF.: Who’s Chris Carmack?
JAMES: Oh, you have so much catching up to do!
Outside, BRANDON and JAMIE stand on JAMIE’S doorstep.
BRANDON: Well, here we are.
JAMIE: Fancy that.
BRANDON: Are you okay now? When I heard you were hurt I couldn’t leave until I saw that you were okay.
JAMIE: I’m fine, just a little embarrassed at my outburst.
BRANDON: You just care about your family; I think it’s really sweet. I think… you’re really sweet.
JAMIE: Thanks. You’re pretty sweet yourself, staying just to see if I’m okay.
BRANDON: Well I care about you.
JAMIE: You do?
Slowly, BRANDON leans in as JAMIE closes her eyes. They kiss.

BRANDON: Maybe when you’re feeling a little better we could go out.
JAMIE: Are you asking me out on a date?
BRANDON: That depends, would you accept?

JAMIE smiles with content as she opens her door and begins to walk in.

JAMIE: G’night Brandon.

JAMIE closes the door as JAMES walks up behind her.

JAMES: Why are you smiling like that?!
JAMIE: I just had my first kiss!
JAMES: Impressive?
JAMIE: Wow impressive!

They both hold each other and jump up and down shrieking!

JAMES: Did he ask you out?
JAMIE: Sort of… but I decided to keep him guessing.
JAMES: Ooh, a girl after my own heart; treat ’em mean, keep ’em lean!
JAMIE: Don’t you mean keen?
JAMES: Oh, yes! I’m so happy for you… but what if you’re still dreaming?
JAMIE: I don’t think I am.

JAMES and JAMIE turn to look at THE PROF. as he glares back at them with an evil grin and laughs maniacally as the credits roll.

THE PROF.: Mwhahahahaha!


JAMIE: Professor?
THE PROF.: Oh chill out, I’m kidding.
JAMES: Phew!
THE PROF.: Or am I? Mwhahahahaha!

JAMIE and JAMES look at each other and shrug.

THE PROF.: I’m kidding.
JAMIE: Thank god.
THE PROF.: Or am I?
JAMES: Oh shut up!

“All Cleared Up” © 2005-2007 & 2013 Thomas John McNab. “James, The Professor & Jamie” Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.