Episode Ten « All Cleared Up
Opening – JAMIE is sat in her bedroom and talking to BRANDON on the phone.
JAMIE: You eaten yet?
BRANDON (on phone): No. I’m just about to though, so we’d better wrap this up.
JAMIE: You having burritos?
BRANDON: No, why?
JAMIE: Cos you said wrap, I just thought…
BRANDON: Oh yeah, that’s funny. You’re always so smart, I could never think up stuff like that.
JAMIE: Oh stop it!
BRANDON: No it’s true, no you are.
JAMIE: You better not be having any apple pie for dessert.
BRANDON: Why’s that?
JAMIE: Cos ya sweet enough already.
JAMES (voice): Alright that’s enough.
JAMES walks in unannounced.
JAMES: God, you’d think two people your age would be doing something more than exchanging amusing wordplays over the phone.
JAMIE: W-were you listening at the door?
JAMES: As if I needed to, you’ve got a voice like a foghorn. Am I right, or am I right?
BRANDON (on phone): You wanna talk about foghorns? You should listen to yourself speak sometime.
JAMIE: Alright, I better go.
BRANDON: Okay, bye.
JAMIE covers the receiver with her hand and puts a finger to lips and smiles. JAMES rolls his eyes.
JAMES: She hasn’t hung up, you dumb bastard!
BRANDON: I thought you were hanging up?
JAMIE: I thought you were!
BRANDON: You hang up first.
JAMIE: No, you!
BRANDON: No, you!
JAMIE: No, you!
JAMES: Oh for fuck’s sake.
JAMES pulls out a gun and shoots the phone’s base-unit three times.
JAMES: Oh I’m sorry, it was an accident. I was actually aiming for your head.
JAMIE: Listen, I know you’ve gotten a little jealous since me and Brandon have started hanging out.
JAMES: Oh really, how could you tell?
JAMIE: But that’s why I invited you over after school today. So we could hang out, just like the good ol’ days.
JAMES: You mean it?
JAMIE nods with a smile.
JAMES: Ooh, I haven’t been this excited since that episode of Inside Edition where they made Maria Menounos look like a fat chick and tried to pass it off as an insightful topical issue!
Suddenly, BRANDON comes running into JAMIE’S bedroom.
BRANDON: Oh Jamie, you’re okay.
JAMES: Hello Brandon.
JAMIE: Did you just run all the way over here?
BRANDON: I heard gunshots and I thought something bad might have happened. I know how you tend to get into a lot of trouble.
JAMIE: Ooh, that’s so sweet.
JAMES: Well it was nice seeing you and all, but me and Jamie have made plans to hang with each other and I think she said something about becoming a lesbian so…
JAMIE: Jamie! He was just kidding.
JAMES: Says the girl with a Michelle Rodriguez poster on her wall.
JAMIE: What, I liked Blue Crush. Could you just go over there for a moment?
JAMES: Whatever! I’m gonna go look out of the window, but not because you told me to.
BRANDON: Sorry, I’ll go home now.
JAMIE: Hold on, I actually wanted to ask you something. Would you like to go with me to my school’s Winter Formal tomorrow?
BRANDON: I’d like that. You’re not embarrassed about asking me?
JAMIE: I don’t really care about all that guys-have-to-be-the-one-to-ask-a-girl-out crap.
BRANDON: Alright then, is it after school.
JAMIE: It starts at five, in my school’s auditorium.
BRANDON: Then I’ll meet you there.
JAMIE leans over and kisses BRANDON on the cheek before he leaves. JAMES turns around with a frown.
JAMES: So, you two are pretty serious.
JAMIE: I did try to tell you. I’m sorry if this bothers you, I know you’re used to us always doing stuff together but…
JAMES: It’s fine. I just assumed you and I would be going to the Winter Formal together.
JAMIE: Come on Jamie, I’m sure you’d much rather go with someone else. What about Paolo, this would be the prefect chance for you two to see each other again.
JAMES: I don’t think we should, that boatful of illegal immigrants has sailed.
JAMIE: Not if I have anything to do with it. If you don’t go to the formal then I’m not going either. And if I don’t go, me and Brandon probably won’t see each other again and then I’ll become bitter and resentful, but since you’re alone I won’t say anything, so I’ll keep it all bottled up. And then when we graduate and buy an apartment together and you still refuse to find a boyfriend, you’ll just devote all your time to taking care of the seventeen cats we’ll end up owning and naming after members of the Pussycat Dolls. So don’t be surprised if you come home from your job at the Kentucky Friend Chicken one night to find Kimberly’s furry little kitten-head impaled on a wooden stake.
JAMIE grunts deeply as JAMES stares at her intensely.
JAMES: Alright, I’ll go with Paolo.
JAMIE: Good. Now you stay here and fix my phone whilst I walk over to The Professor’s lab and ask Paolo out for you.
JAMIE leaves as JAMES bends down to pick up the broken pieces of the telephone.
JAMES: This is nothing like the good ol’ days. If it were, my pants would be half way down my legs by now.
Various pre-filmed footage of the character’s jumping around a park intercut with future scenes from the show. Each character’s name is pulled on by a hoping CGI bunny.
“Every birthday, my mom would say to me,
You’re another year older and you’re still getting spottier.
But then she died and I moved in with my sister,
I’m called Jamie, she’s Calista and our Mom is a robot!
All Cleared Up!
I really wanna scream it loud!
All Cleared Up!
I want them all to know!
All Cleared Up!
I really hope that things will be,
All Cleared Up for me!”