Episode Ten « All Cleared Up
Act 2 – JAMIE is over at CALISTA’S apartment, trying on outfits for the formal.
JAMIE: Thanks for helping me out with my dress. I don’t think I could have coped with the added stress of choosing an outfit to wear for tomorrow and deciding whether or not I should tell Jamie I saw The Professor and Paolo kissing.
CALISTA: They were kissing?
JAMIE: Did I stutter, bitch?
CALISTA: Wait, what kind of a kiss was it? I mean, are we talking a nice-to-see-you kind of kiss, or an I-hope-I-get-to-bone-you-later kiss?
JAMIE: Neither really! The Professor tried to pass it off as an experiment.
CALISTA: If he still thinks he’s experimenting with his sexuality then I’m the bastard granddaughter of Zsa Zsa Gabor!
JAMES: Not that kind of experiment, he told me he was testing out a new invention…
JAMIE reaches into her bag and hands the seemingly normal looking lipstick over to CALISTA.
JAMIE: Colour changing lipstick.
CALISTA: Does it work?
JAMIE: Nope… I didn’t expect it to anyway. But that just confirms he was lying.
JAMIE: So, what am I gonna tell Jamie?
CALISTA: Tell him to pick a colour and stick with it like we do.
JAMIE: Not about the lipstick, you Foolish Whore. I mean, what do I tell Jamie about Paolo and The Professor?
CALISTA: Oh! I guess you should tell him the truth. He is your best friend, after all, people that close shouldn’t keep secrets from each other.
CALISTA’S ROOMATE (off-screen): I’m back, I got some more KY Jelly but they didn’t have that extra-large cucumber you wanted.
JAMIE looks at CALISTA with wide eyes.
CALISTA: It’s for a salad; I’m on a diet after pigging out so much over Christmas.
JAMIE: What kind of salad uses KY Jelly?
CALISTA: Who knows?! I got the recipe off Martha Stewart’s website.
JAMIE: I thought you were kidding.
CALISTA: Martha Stewart doesn’t kid!
JAMIE: Moving on; I still don’t know what to tell Jamie.
CALISTA: Come on, how big of a crush does he actually have on Paolo?
In a very sitcom-like way the scene cuts to JAMES, who’s sat in his bedroom closet staring lovingly into the eyes of a model replica of PAOLO’S face made out of chewed-up pieces of gum. The scene cuts back and CALISTA widens her eyes.
CALISTA: Ooh – and how serious did that kiss look?
JAMES: I’m hardly an expert, but to me it looked pretty passionate; I’m talking tongues and spit flying everywhere!
CALISTA: Wow… sounds kinda hot.
JAMIE: You know it kinda was; I think I got a little aroused!
JAMIE slaps CALISTA on the shoulder and grunts.
JAMIE: What do I tell Jamie?!
CALISTA: Ow! I suppose you’d only be lying to him if he actually asked you specifically whether the professor and Paolo kissed.
JAMIE: So I shouldn’t say anything?
CALISTA: I really don’t want to tell you either way.
JAMIE: Well fat lot of help you’ve been!
CALISTA: Hey now, I gave you a dress to wear for the formal, isn’t that enough?
JAMIE: Yes thank you, but I think I’m gonna tell Jamie. I mean, as soon as I see him he’s gonna bring up Paolo and I just don’t think I can lie to him.
CALISTA: Well I’m very proud of you, and Mom would be too.
JAMIE stretches out her hand and CALISTA holds it and smiles.
JAMIE: No, I want my lipstick back.