Episode Ten « All Cleared Up

Act 5The night is in full swing, but JAMES and JAMIE are sat by themselves at a table, flicking cocktail shrimps at other dancers.
JAMES: When do we vote for King and Queen?
JAMIE: This is Winter Formal, Jamie; there are no King and Queen.
JAMES: Really? Don’t tell me I wasted all that time last night rigging up a bucket of pigs’ blood over the auditorium stage, just in case Tiffany Brantford won.
JAMIE: Sorry, but it was a nice thought.
JAMES: Yeah, that’s me: Nice.
JAMIE: I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation Paolo didn’t turn up, he might’ve gotten nervous, or something must have happened at the laboratory… not that kind of something. I meant–
JAMES: I know when I’ve been dumped, Jamie. It’s happened enough times, by now I should be an expert at it.
JAMIE: Don’t say that. You’ll find somebody, we both will.
JAMES: At least your date turned up.
JAMIE: But he didn’t stay. He’s just an asshole like the rest of them.
JAMES: Yeah, screw couples!
DEEJAY: Alright all you ladies and fellas, it’s time to cosy-up close together for that last dance of the night. Make sure you share it with someone special.
All around JAMES and JAMIE couples begin forming on the dancefloor as Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars” begins to play.
JAMIE: Well I guess you were right; we should’ve just turned up to this thing as a couple… instead we’re a couple of losers.
JAMES stands up and holds out his hand.
JAMIE: What are you doing?
JAMES: Asking my date to dance.
JAMIE smiles at JAMES and takes his hand. The slowly start to move together to the song as JAMIE rests her head on JAMES’ shoulder.
JAMES: Do you ever think, maybe we got it wrong?
JAMIE: What’s that?
JAMES: Maybe there’s been a reason neither of us has ever had a meaningful relationship. What if we’re subconsciously sabotaging them all the time?
JAMIE: Why would we be doing that?
JAMES: Maybe because our subconscious thinks that… we should be together.
JAMIE lifts her head and looks into JAMES’ eyes with a shocked expression.
JAMIE: What are you trying to say?
JAMES: Maybe it’s time we stopped looking in the wrong places for love.
JAMIE: Are you trying to say you’re attracted to me?
JAMES rolls his eyes and JAMIE laughs.
JAMES: You know you’re fabulous.
JAMIE blushes and stays silent until JAMES nudges her.
JAMES: And me?
JAMIE: Oh! I guess you could pass for hot… I’ve always thought so.
JAMIE rests her head back on JAMES’ shoulder and sighs.
JAMIE: You know I’ve always wanted – Professor?!
JAMES: Excuse me?!
JAMIE and JAMES break their hold on each other as THE PROF., who’s dressed in regular teenage clothes for the first time, approaches them.
JAMIE: What are you doing here?
THE PROF.: I figured I owed James an explanation.
JAMES: It’s alright, thanks. Jamie pretty much explained everything to me.
THE PROF.: On behalf of Paolo, why he couldn’t be here tonight.
JAMES shoots a scorned look at THE PROF. as JAMIE feels awkward and decides to leave the two of them alone.
JAMIE: You know what, I think my lips are puffing up again; I better go to the bathroom.
JAMES: You wanted him all to yourself from the start didn’t you?
THE PROF.: James, let me explain.
JAMES: Well I hope you and him live happily ever after in your big gay-laboratory–
THE PROF.: Paolo’s gone! I should have spoken up earlier but I never realised you had such strong feelings for him; I never thought he’d get you involved. When he told me how he truly felt about me, I rejected him. He got very bitter, that’s when he phoned you and agreed to be your date to the Formal; he thought it would make me jealous. But I was so angry that he was playing you like that that I couldn’t take it anymore.
JAMES: You killed him!
THE PROF.: I did not kill him. I fired him, told him that he had to move out. He left early this morning to stay with his sister in Dayton.
JAMES: Ohio?
THE PROF.: No, New Jersey.
JAMES: Eww, why would you do that?
THE PROF.: Because, I didn’t want him hurting one of my best friends… well actually, my only friend.
THE PROF. avoids eye contact as JAMES softly smiles.

THE PROF.: I wanted him to tell you, but he said that I’d fired him and couldn’t tell him what to do anymore. I’m sorry.
JAMES: Don’t be, he sounds like more trouble then its worth. The only thing he was good for was a quick fling… shame it didn’t get that far.
THE PROF.: Don’t say that, you wouldn’t have wanted him to be your first. He doesn’t deserve to have someone as good as you.
JAMES is flattered but confused at THE PROF. comment. There’s a long pause before JAMES speaks up.
JAMES: You never…
THE PROF.: With him, god no!
JAMES: And, you and I…
THE PROF.: Strictly friends.
JAMES: That’s what I was gonna say.
THE PROF.: I’m glad we got that all cleared up.
JAMES: Me too! So, I might as well get going now–
THE PROF.: Unless…
JAMES: What?
THE PROF.: It’s just, I didn’t leave my work completely behind tonight. I brought along some memory-shoes that I’m testing out; they’re supposed to make it easer to dance.
JAMES: I’m not much of a dancer.
THE PROF.: Neither am I, that’s the whole point.
JAMES: Alright! I guess you’re leading; being such a control freak an’ all.
THE PROF.: You know me so well!
JAMES and THE PROF. laugh and begin to dance with each other. JAMIE is looking on from the doorway of the girls’ room. She sighs and decides to quietly make an exit before everyone else does. Outside, she wonders over to the courtyard’s fountain and looks into the starry sky, wishing on a star that she had a nickel to make a wish with. All of a sudden, someone calls her name. JAMIE turns to see BRANDON running up to her.
BRANDON : Where were you? I showed up but you weren’t here.
JAMIE: Well you didn’t exactly stay very long to come looking for me.
BRANDON : Excuse me?!
JAMIE: Why did you come back?
BRANDON : Because your mom told me you were still here.
JAMIE: I really need to find out where she put that tracking device.
JAMIE: Nothing! So, I don’t understand – you left.
BRANDON : Yeah! I thought maybe I had gotten it wrong and I was supposed to pick you up from James’. So I went to his house but his dad told me he’d left already for the formal – with a girl, and that he didn’t want me going there to mess things up; I think he must have mistaken me for… well anyway, so then I went to Calista’s apartment to see if you were still getting ready there or something, but she told me you’d been at her place yesterday and was getting ready at home. So I finally went back to your house, and after your mom made me have a very awkward conversation with her she told me you were definitely here.
JAMIE: Wow! You did all that; but why?
BRANDON : Cos I was worried something bad might have happened to you. I know how you…
JAMIE: …tend to get into a lot of trouble!
JAMIE and BRANDON laugh.
BRANDON: Sorry I missed the dance.
JAMIE: You know what? It doesn’t matter! I only asked you here tonight because I thought it’d be the perfect place for you to ask me–
BRANDON: Hold on! I know you don’t really give a crap about all that guys-should-be-the-one-to-ask-a-girl-out, but I do. So will you be my girlfriend?
JAMIE and BRANDON passionately kiss in front of the fountain as it suddenly erupts into a powerful gush!


“All Cleared Up” © 2005-2007 & 2013 Thomas John McNab. “James, The Professor & Jamie” Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.