Episode Eleven « All Cleared Up

Act 3 – JAMES walks out onto the laboratory’s observation deck and over to THE PROF., who’s resting his arms on the railing and looking out over Sitcomland.
JAMES: Are you okay?
THE PROF.: I said I’m fine.
JAMES: That was like an hour ago; I thought you deserved your space, since this is your house, but I’m getting kinda bored.
THE PROF.: I was hoping you’d have left by now.
JAMES: Oh. Well you should have just said you were sick of me, I’d have left sooner.
THE PROF.: Wait! I’m not sick of you; I just don’t think I’m the funnest person to be around right now.
JAMES: Believe it or not, I don’t hang out with you for fun.
JAMES: I like being around you; we’re friends, that’s what friendship’s all about.
THE PROF. Why what?
JAMES: Why the sudden interest in my feelings towards you?
JAMES leans close to THE PROF. and grins.
JAMES: Are you attracted to me?!
THE PROF.: What?! No!
JAMES: Take it easy, I was kidding.
THE PROF.: I know you and Jamie are all buddy-buddy with sharing feelings and everything like that, but that’s not how I work.
JAMES: Hey, backing off; I just wanted to make sure you didn’t come up here to throw yourself off the roof.
THE PROF.: Granted; you waited kind of a long time.
JAMES: I gave you the benefit of the doubt; I think I know you well enough to know that you’re not suicidal.
THE PROF.: Thank you.
JAMES: You’re just a little love-sick.
THE PROF.: I am not love-sick! Will you just leave that subject alone.
JAMES: Why, touches a bad nerve?
THE PROF.: Fine! You wanna know my feelings; you want me to open up and turn this into a very-special-Blossom moment? I’m… afraid.
JAMES: Afraid of what?
THE PROF.: That I drove Paolo away; because I’d rather be alone then get hurt… again.
JAMES: Again; this has happened before?
THE PROF.: Not exactly. But there’s stuff I’ve never told you; about my past.
There’s a long pause of silence before JAMES speaks again.
JAMES: I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me.
THE PROF.: I want to… but not just yet.
JAMES: Okay. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.
JAMES takes THE PROF. hand and smiles at him before looking out across Sitcomland.
JAMES: Looks so calm on a night.
THE PROF.: Hey, I haven’t even asked: Where’s Jamie?
JAMES: We’re not joined at the hip you know!
THE PROF.: Oh-kay?!
JAMES: Sorry! She’s having a sleepover at Calista’s… I was jealous and wanted to have my own sleepover so I could rub it in her face tomorrow.
THE PROF.: So you came here?
JAMES: Sure! I can’t think of anyone else I know who has as many exciting and interesting stories like you.
THE PROF.: Thank you! I do know how to tell a good story or two. So, you’re staying over?
JAMES: If that’s okay?
THE PROF.: It’s fine by me, but did your parents really say it was okay for you to sleepover with an eighteen-year-old guy living by himself?!
JAMES: Huh… it sounded a lot less sexual when I told them.
THE PROF.: You did tell them?
JAMES: Not to change the subject but look at all those cop cars.
JAMES points to a mass of flashing blue and red lights moving in the distance. THE PROF. peers through his telescope.
JAMES: Is there a car chase going on?
THE PROF.: It certainly would seem like that. I guess this is not – ohmigod!
JAMES: What?!
THE PROF.: I think I just saw Jamie in the back of that car.
JAMIE: What?!
JAMES pulls out his mobile phone and at the other end of town, JAMIE manages to ease her tight grip on the seatbelt long enough to answer her ringing phone.
CALISTA: Don’t, it could be the police!
JAMIE: Uhhh… (old-lady voice) Hello, you will have to telephone me back, sir, I’m busy, err, doing the Charleston.
JAMES: Jamie?!
JAMIE: Oh, James! What’s up?
JAMES: Not much; how’s your sleepover going?
JAMIE: It’s… interesting.
JAMES: Uh-huh, well where are you right now?
JAMIE: Umm… Dubai!
CALISTA rolls her eyes and slaps her forehead. Across town JAMES takes over from THE PROF. and looks through the telescope.
JAMES: Really?! ‘Cause it looks to me like you’re in the backseat of a speeding car driving down Roman Avenue.
JAMIE: Ha! Well, how odd.
JAMIE brings the phone away from her and whispers to CALISTA.
JAMIE: He knows.
CALISTA: You don’t say!
LISA: I’m not surprised; knowing this town we’re probably on the local news right about now.
CALISTA: We?! This is your car, Lisa!
LISA: Err, that’s your weed in the back of it, Calista!
CALISTA: It is not!
JAMIE: Guys, what should I tell Jamie?
LISA: Ask him if they’re using my graduation photo on the news; I’ll die if they are.
CALISTA: Oh, that’d be reason enough for me!
JAMIE: Hey, how bad does this look on a scale of one-to-ten?
JAMES: Three, as long as you pull over now.
JAMIE: We can’t; Calista’s roommate stored a bunch of drugs in the trunk of her car.
JAMES: Oh; then seven.
JAMIE: That’s not-so bad, I guess.
JAMES: No this is on my new scale; one being a Nicole Richie D-U-I and ten being a Brandy Norwood manslaughter charge.
JAMIE: Oh, it really looks that bad on the TV?
JAMES rushes off the observatory deck as THE PROF. quickly follows. They enter the laboratory and JAMES finds a TV and switches it on.
ANCHORWOMAN: …issued from the fire department. Once again, the police force are currently in pursuit of car which refused to stop and now continues to speed through the downtown streets of Sitcomland. It’s not known why the chase ensued, but the car reportedly belongs to 20-year-old Sitcomland University student Lisa Rhodes, who previously had a clean record and may be holding two unknown passengers hostage.
JAMES: Eight.
ANCHORWOMAN: We can now bring you footage of the chase live, via our news helicopter, which has reportedly identified the other two passengers as being siblings Calista and Jamie Foster.
JAMES: Nine!
JAMIE: Oh, we’re screwed!
JAMES: No, eight again; they’ve spelt your name wrong!