Episode Twelve « All Cleared Up

Act 1 – JAMIE and MOM-BOT are walking down a school corridor talking.
MOM-BOT: I am very pleased with you, Jamie.
JAMIE: Thanks! I’m pleased with you too.
MOM-BOT: Why is that?
JAMIE: Just cos last time you were at my school you tried to attack my science teacher.
MOM-BOT: And you are happy that this time around I saw all of your teachers without subjecting any one of them to grievous bodily harm?
JAMIE: I’m ecstatic!
Despite her enthusiasm, MOM-BOT sense JAMIE is holding back her true feelings.
MOM-BOT: But still, something bothers you.
JAMIE: It’s nothing – I shouldn’t really, but I’m just thinking about Dad; where he is right now.
MOM-BOT: You know you’re father?
JAMIE: I’ve never met him; but that doesn’t automatically make him a bad person. My mum and him just grew apart before he ever had the chance to get to know me.
MOM-BOT: I’m sure if he did, he would not have left.
JAMIE looks up at MOM-BOT and smiles, receiving a metallic grin back. In the same corridor, JAMES walks out of a door and is grabbed by his shoulders by his father.
MR. SMITH: Hold on, Mister. If you tell me the truth right now, I will think about grounding you for only two weeks.
JAMES: I don’t know what to tell you, dad. She’s obviously lying.
MR. SMITH: You’re really certain she’s been making passes at you?
JAMES: With every fibre of my being! I tried to hold her off but the emotional scars just–
MR. SMITH: Alright, alright; save the emotional stuff for your Mother. I’m gonna go apologise to your teacher.
JAMES: Hold on, Dad; Jamie!
JAMES waves to catch JAMIE’S attention and she starts to walk over as MOM-BOT follows. From across the hallway MR. SMITH begins to stare, mesmerised by MOM-BOT’S appearance. As JAMES pulls JAMIE down the corridor, MR. SMITH instinctively hold out his hand to greet MOM-BOT.
MR. SMITH: Hi, I’m James’ dad, Gerard.
MOM-BOT: Hello.
MR. SMITH takes MOM-BOT’S hand and kisses it, sharply pulling away when his lips touch the cold metal surface. Further down the corridor, JAMIE is rummaging inside her locker with an impatient JAMES stood at her side.
JAMIE: Jamie, would you stop fidgeting, I’m trying to find it.
JAMES: Well hurry up, I want my dad and Mister Beecham to see this.
JAMIE: Have I told you lately how stupid I think this idea of yours is.
JAMES: Listen, blondie; you’ve got your man, now let me have mine!
JAMIE: You must really like him, if you’re willing to be kissed by Miss May just to stay in his class.
JAMES: You have no idea.
JAMIE: I don’t get why you don’t just use the impulse ray on Mister Beecham to get him to act out your sordid little fantasies.
JAMES: Because, airhead, that gun only amplifies a person’s most primitive desires.
JAMIE: Meaning?
JAMES: Meaning he wouldn’t actually be in love with me, he’d just be a slave to my will.
JAMIE: So, why aren’t you using it on him again?
JAMIE pulls out a laser-type gun from her locker and JAMES grabs it from her.
JAMES: You wouldn’t understand; just once I’d like to find someone who loves me even half as much as I love them.
JAMIE: So I’m right in thinking you’re not over Paolo.
JAMES (shouting): This has nothing to do with Paolo.
JAMES cocks the gun back and takes aim.
JAMES: Now, how do I work this thing?
JAMIE: You need to switch it on first, smart ass.
JAMES fiddles with the gun.
JAMIE: No wait, you’ve switched it to hate.
JAMES: Well how do you switch it to love?
JAMIE: Give it here.
JAMES: Just tell me.
JAMIE goes to grab the gun but JAMES pulls it back. The two fight for control and in an instant the gun misfires and strikes MR. SMITH in the back. He lurches forward and MOM-BOT reaches out to catch him. Fearing the worst, JAMES pulls JAMIE into the boys’ room to hide.
JAMIE: We just shot your dad.
JAMES: You mean you just shot my dad!
JAMES shoves the gun into JAMIE’S hands and she looks at it.
JAMES: Was it set to love, or hate.
JAMIE: I don’t know, we broke it; but what’s the worst that could happen?
JAMES: My dad could kill us all in a horrifying bloodbath of epic proportions.
JAMIE: You’ve been hanging around The Professor too much. I’m sure it’s fine.
JAMES: Then why are you still hiding in here with me?
JAMIE: Because, I didn’t want to leave you in here you all alone; come on.
JAMES: I’m afraid to look.
JAMIE: We’ll do it on three: one, two…
JAMIE and JAMES pop their head out of the door and both open their mouths wide in horror at the sight of MR. SMITH, caught in a passionate lip-lock with MOM-BOT.
JAMIE: I did not see that coming.
JAMES: Eurgh, it’s like watching a wildlife documentary!
JAMIE and JAMES rush over as MOM-BOT stumbles back and GERARD composes his self.
MR. SMITH: Did, err, you kids find what you were looking for – I know I did.
MOM-BOT: Jamie, why have I never invited Mr. Smith here–
MR. SMITH: Please, call me Gerard.
MOM-BOT: Gerard! Why have you not ever welcomed him round for tea along with James… and perhaps maybe breakfast?
MR. SMITH: I would love that.
MOM-BOT: It’s a date then?
JAMIE and JAMES both shoot each other with an evil glare as they grab their respective parents and walk off in opposite directions.

JAMIE/JAMES: This is so your fault!