Episode Twelve « All Cleared Up

Act 2 – JAMES is in his bedroom with his father.

JAMES: Now, what do we say to Mom again?
GERARD: Wait, I know this one… I wanna divorce!
JAMES hits him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
JAMES: No, that’s bad, that’s wrong!
GERARD: Ugh! Sorry I was late home, dear and oh, you look nice tonight.
JAMES: Better, but try to sound like you haven’t just been diagnosed with AIDS.
GERARD sighs and walks out of JAMES’ bedroom. Suddenly, JAMES’ phone rings.
JAMES: Hello!
JAMIE (on phone): How’s it going?
JAMES: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you just asked me how it’s going when clearly you know you’re supposed to be GETTING THE IMPULSE-RAY FIXED!
JAMIE: I’m on my way to The Professor’s right now, jackass!
JAMES: Fine! How’s your Mom? You managed to convince her yet that my dad’s off limits.
JAMIE: Well she wasn’t the one who you shot with the impulse-ray now, so it was pretty easy.
JAMES: Me? You shot him!
JAMIE: Whatever; I don’t get what the big deal is anyway, you’re always complaining about how depressed and cynical your dad is and how he always takes it out on you. Maybe the reason is is that he needs a little booty call.
JAMES: Oh-no-you-did-not just imply what I think you just implied, Jamie.
JAMIE: Come on! You’re Dad’s depressed, my Mom needs a fella.
JAMES: He’s a married man, for crying out loud!
JAMIE: Whatever, all’s I’m saying is it’d be pretty rad to have a big brother ’round the house now Calista’s moved out.
JAMES is about to reply until JAMIE hangs up. JAMES replaces the receiver on the base and thinks about what JAMIE said. Through his bedroom wall, JAMES can hear his mother and father.
MRS. SMITH: What’s the matter with you tonight?
GERARD: Oh, you look pretty is all.
MRS. SMITH: So it doesn’t kill you to say it once in a while!
GERARD: You know what I mean… I thought maybe we could…
JAMES presses his ear up against the wall. Suddenly, he hears giggling and pleasurable moans. In an instant he climbs into his bed and grabs a pillow to shield his ears.
MRS. SMITH: But sir, I am just a simple machine, I cannot feel love.
GERARD: Feel this!
JAMES tries to keep on blocking his ears, but in a huff he gets up and storms out of his bedroom, marching down the stairs and out of the house.