Episode Thirteen « All Cleared Up
Opening – JAMIE and JAMES are sat in a restaurant, overlooking MOM-BOT and GERARD who are eating a meal at their table and talking. JAMIE is surrounded by tiny little cups, all empty, as she perks over the edge of the booth, jittering nervously.
JAMIE: It looks like it’s going good, do you think it’s going good? I think it’s going great.
JAMES: Seriously, no more espressos for you; I think you’re about to O-D.
JAMIE: I’m just really, really nervous that this is all going to go horribly wrong.
JAMES: What could go wrong? He’s goofed up on The Professor’s love ray and she’s a robot.
JAMIE: She was a robot – now she’s human. That’s a whole different kettle of fish.
JAMES throws a confused look at JAMIE. GERARD takes a sip of his wine and twitches as he thinks to himself.
GERARD: You look different from when I first met you.
MOM-BOT: Ahh, yes. I, err, was involved in a car crash on the way here – completely wrecked my old body. But the paramedics gave me a new one, so everything worked out alright.
JAMIE and JAMES both wear matching looks of horror, poising themselves to intervene should the effects of the impulse ray wear off. GERARD looks at MOM-BOT with one raised eyebrow.
GERARD: Ah, that would explain it.
JAMIE and JAMES let out a sigh of relief as GERARD continues to eat. But all of a sudden he pauses again.
GERARD: Do I even know your name?
JAMIE and JAMES tense up again as MOM-BOT panics and looks around the room for ideas.
MOM-BOT: My name? My name is, err… um, it’s…
MOM-BOT notices a bottle of water on the table across the room.
MOM-BOT: Evian, Evian Bottle.
JAMIE smacks her forehead with the palm of her hand as JAMES sinks underneath the table.
JAMIE: That’s it; I’m putting a stop to this!
JAMES: No you don’t!
JAMES pulls at JAMIE as she’s about to get out of her chair. Inexplicably, he rips off part of her shirt, exposing her bra. JAMIE covers herself and looks embarrassed.
JAMIE: Relax, it’s not like we’re on N-B-C!
JAMIE pouts and slides her coat on. She folds her arms in front of her chest just as THE PROF. walks over to the two friends and slides into their booth
THE PROF.: Alright I’m here, and I got the impulse ray all fired up and ready to shoot.
JAMES: You’re dirty!
JAMIE: I don’t think were gonna need it, James’s dad is completely besotted by… Evian.
THE PROF.: Who?
THE PROF.: Oh. You do realise if everything goes to plan this whole marriage will be based on a lie. I mean, he’s been hit with the equivalent of Cupid’s arrow and she’s a former-robot who just found out that humans get pleasure from sticking their sex-organs inside one another.
JAMES: Is it wrong I got a little turned on by that speech?!
THE PROF.: Where are they then?
JAMIE: Over there, Mister Smith just went to the bathroom.
JAMES: Again?! Should we be worried?
THE PROF.: It’s just a side-effect from the impulse ray; it’ll calm down within a day or two… which is more than I can say for Mom-Bot’s apparent side-effect.
JAMIE: What side-effect, what are you talking about?
JAMIE looks over as she sees MOM-BOT grinning like a Cheshire Cat. She follows her gaze and is alarmed to see she’s staring at a waitress’ backside.
JAMIE: What the hell?!
THE PROF.: I’m not an expert–
JAMES: Well I am; she’s totally checking out that waitress.
JAMES shakes his head in disbelief as THE PROF. bites his bottom lip and looks at JAMIE, whose face is plastered with a horrified look of shock.
JAMIE: Ohmigod, my Mom’s a Lesbian!
Various pre-filmed footage of the character’s jumping around a park intercut with future scenes from the show. Each character’s name is pulled on by a hoping CGI bunny.
“Every birthday, my mom would say to me,
You’re another year older and you’re still getting spottier.
But then she died and I moved in with my sister,
I’m called Jamie, she’s Calista and our Mom is a robot!
All Cleared Up!
I really wanna scream it loud!
All Cleared Up!
I want them all to know!
All Cleared Up!
I really hope that things will be,
All Cleared Up for me!”