Episode Thirteen « All Cleared Up

Act 1 – JAMIE doesn’t take her eyes off MOM-BOT and struggles to get her words out.

JAMIE: No… she, she can’t be a lesbian.
JAMES: I think it’s kind of probable. Just look at her, she’s about to start drooling!
JAMIE: But, I mean, she can’t be gay… she raped Paolo!
JAMES: Jamie, it was Paolo. Who here hasn’t fooled around with him?!
THE PROF.: I. Didn’t.
JAMIE: What did you do?
THE PROF.: Nothing, he kissed me!
JAMIE: Not that, what did you do to my mom?
THE PROF.: Foolish Whore, I can’t control matters of the heart. It wants what it wants.
JAMIE: She doesn’t have a heart, she’s made of METAL!
THE PROF.: Was, dear. I’ll admit, perhaps the upgrade delivered some unexpected after-effects.
JAMES: At least she’s not killing anybody!
JAMIE: Unexpected… you did this on purpose.
THE PROF.: Right, because my life is so empty that I get a kick out of screwing with the two of you.
JAMIE: You did this, you fix this.
JAMES: Whoa, what do you mean by fix?
JAMIE: This is not what I signed up for, Jamie. I wanted you typical, run-of-the-mill, cookie-baking, soccer-practice driving Mom-Bot and he built me freak-mom instead.
THE PROF.: Well, I’m glad your true feelings are finally out in the open because, you know what, you don’t have to worry about Professor Freak screwing with you anymore. I quit!
JAMIE: Quit? You can’t quit… you’re fired!

JAMIE giggles and turns to JAMES as THE PROF. storms off.

JAMIE: I’ve always wanted to say that!

JAMES stares at JAMIE in confusion.

JAMES: What do you mean? You really hurt his feelings, Jamie.
JAMIE: What? Don’t be ridiculous, we fight all the time. I say something funny, he says something sarcastic, everybody laughs and everything goes back to normal by the end of the episode.
JAMES: I think you’re underestimating how sensitive The Professor can get. Your choice of words was a little harsh.
JAMIE: I was hysterical – Okay, I kinda pulled a little Nikki, but I’m back now. What did I say exactly?
JAMES: You called your mom a freak who needs fixing.
JAMIE: I stand by that; don’t you think she’s acting a little different since her “upgrade”?
JAMES: She’s just gay, Jamie.
JAMIE: She is just a robot, James!
JAMES: Was she just a robot when she drove us to the Winter Formal? Or the time she made you hot-soup because you’d been playing out in the snow too long? No – she was your mom… your lesbian mom. She might not have realised it back then because she couldn’t express how she felt. But all of sudden she’s got these feelings and emotions in her body that she doesn’t know how to control. I know you don’t know what that’s like but… it’s consuming. And do you know what? It might not have even occurred to her she’s gay. I think it’s up to you to tell her, Jamie.

JAMIE glances over at her MOM-BOT, who’s laughing as she chats with the waitress. She looks back to the empty seat where THE PROF. was just sitting and hears her harsh words repeating over and over again inside her head. JAMIE lets out an exasperated moan as she bangs her head on the table.

JAMIE: Why do I have to be the one to tell her, can’t you?
JAMES: She’s your mother, Jamie; and as much as I love telling people they’re gay, it’s not my place.
JAMIE: But what about The Professor, I need to go apologise to him.
JAMES: You let me do that. I don’t think he’s gonna want to talk to you straight away – in fact, you’ll be lucky if he ever talks to you again.
JAMIE: I didn’t mean… ugh, stupid espressos. What is it with my family and drinking problems?

JAMIE and JAMES stand up.

JAMES: What are you gonna say to her?
JAMIE: Oh you know; how’ve you been, what’s the weather like and, oh yeah, you’re gay!
JAMES: Could you at least tell her one thing?
JAMIE: Sure?
JAMES: Make sure she lets my dad down gently.
JAMIE: Oops, I totally forgot about him… I guess our dream of being sisters is over.
JAMES: Little sisters are annoying anyway!

JAMES hugs JAMIE as she thinks to herself and asks JAMES one more thing.

JAMIE: We’re cool, right? I should have thought, before I went shooting my mouth off.
JAMES: It’s cool. I’ve known you long enough to recognise that when you go off on one of your caffeine fuelled rants you rarely mean the things you say.
JAMIE: Well, I think it’s all out of my system now, motherfucker!

JAMIE twitches her head as she hold onto the table. JAMES giggles and leaves JAMIE as she approaches MOM-BOT.

MOM-BOT: Jamie, how am I doing?

JAMIE stares into her foster mother’s blue eyes and lets out a deep sigh.

JAMIE: I think you should just… come home with me.