Episode Thirteen « All Cleared Up

Act 4About 3 hours later JAMIE is startled and wakes up to CALISTA shaking her.

CALISTA: Finally!
JAMIE: Huh? What are you doing here?
CALISTA: I get… thrown out of The Professor’s laboratory at three in the morning – screeching at me like a banshee.
JAMIE: When did you get back?
CALISTA: …Two fourty-five. But, Jamie wouldn’t even talk to me.
JAMIE: Jamie was there?!
CALISTA: Yeah, and he must have been crying or whatever cos there was a bunch of tissues everywhere.
JAMIE: Oh my God!
CALISTA: He looks at me, dead serious, and tells me Mom-Bot’s a lesbian!
JAMIE: Mom-Bot, where is she?
CALISTA: Hello?! He’s lying, right?
JAMIE: You should really–
CALISTA: OhMiGod, it’s true? OhMiGod!
JAMIE: Are you drunk?
CALISTA: Oh! Forgive me for enjoying my Spring Break.
JAMIE: Look; yes, she is. Let me just find her so she can explain it to you herself.
CALISTA: What was the deal with that retarded babysitter?
CALISTA: Some fat-chick who was looking after you.
JAMIE: No? You didn’t?!
JAMIE: That was Mom-Bot, you Foolish Whore!
JAMIE: What did you do, where is she?
CALISTA: That woman is Mom-Bot?

JAMIE grabs CALISTA and shakes her.

JAMIE: Where is she?
CALISTA: I paid her, told her to get the hell out!
JAMIE: And she left?! Oh my God, she must think I hate her or something.

JAMIE rushes out of the door.

CALISTA: Why does nobody tell me anything anymore?!

CALISTA stumbles out and catches up to JAMIE.

CALISTA: Jamie, where are you going?
JAMIE: I have to find her; she’s a tad unstable right now, what with finding she’s gay and all!
CALISTA: Then I’m coming with you, you can’t go wondering the streets by yourself on a night.
JAMIE: Why not, you seem to manage fine.

CALISTA stops and grabs JAMIE.

CALISTA: What is your problem? How was I supposed to know you’d put Mom-Bot’s brain in a human body.
JAMIE: Eww, is that what you think? The Professor just upgraded her body.
CALISTA: Did he make her gay?
JAMIE: See now, I’m not a bad person! That’s what you immediately think. You know it’s not true, but you can’t stop yourself from thinking it.
CALISTA: What are you babbling about?
JAMIE: I pissed The Professor off because I asked him the same thing.
CALISTA: Oh, I guess it was him who was crying then. We should go get him; he’d know how to find Mom-Bot.
JAMIE: Except he vowed never to help me again.
CALISTA: We have to try, Goddamn it!
JAMIE: Wait…

JAMIE spots MOM-BOT and runs after her as Imogen Heap’s “Goodnight and Go” starts playing in the background.

JAMIE: Mommy, don’t leave me!
MOM-BOT: Jamie?
JAMIE: I love you, I don’t care if you’re a Lesbian you’re my mother first and I need you.
MOM-BOT: But you have Calista to look after you; it’s what you’ve always wanted.
JAMIE: All I ever wanted was the perfect mother.
MOM-BOT: I’m sorry.
JAMIE: Don’t you get it? You are the perfect mother!

JAMIE hugs MOM-BOT as it begins to rain. CALISTA catches up and surveys MOM-BOT’S new body.

CALISTA: Sorry I didn’t believe you.
MOM-BOT: It’s alright now. Come on, let’s go home.

The three walk back towards their house until JAMIE stops and the music grinds to a halt.

MOM-BOT: Yes, dear?
JAMIE: We’re going the wrong way.
MOM-BOT: Oh, so we are!

The music restarts as all three of them turn around and walk towards home. The music slowly fades out and the scene transitions from night to day. In her bedroom, JAMIE is calling JAMES again. CALISTA walks in and sighs.

CALISTA: Please tell me you’ve been to sleep.
JAMIE: Why won’t he answer? I’m going over there.
CALISTA: No you are not! He’s probably gone home by now.
JAMIE: He would have turned his phone back on if he had. Something must be wrong; I need to go the laboratory.
CALISTA: Fine. Go wait downstairs and I’ll give you lift on my way.
JAMIE: Why, where are you going?
CALISTA: I have an appointment with the Dean of Admissions; I want to see if I can change my major to bartending.
JAMIE: Calista?
CALISTA: And to find out if there’re any dorm rooms free.
JAMIE: That’s ridiculous, why don’t you just…
JAMIE: Sorry; you have your own life now, I know. I just enjoyed having you around these past few weeks.
CALISTA: I’ll still be able to see you.
JAMIE: But it won’t be the same. I’m sure you can get your old room back once I patch things up with The Professor.
CALISTA: As much as I appreciate that, I think I should just check it out anyway, just in case.
JAMIE: In case what? OhMiGod, he really hates me doesn’t he?
CALISTA: Don’t worry! Jamie’s probably been there all night talking him round.
JAMIE: He better’ve been.
CALISTA: Well why else would he spend the whole night there – OhMiGod!
JAMIE: Exactly!
CALISTA: I’ll, I’ll take you straight there.

A few minutes later JAMIE is stood at THE PROF.’S doorstep, knocking on his door. She’s shocked when JAMES answers it.

JAMIE: Jamie, thank God, I’ve been trying to phone you all night.
JAMES: Sorry I turned my phone off.
JAMIE: What happened, are you okay?
JAMES: I’m fine!
JAMIE: Is The Professor okay?
JAMES: Yeah.
JAMIE: Are you gonna let me in?
JAMES: I am… but first I think you should know… something happened last night.

JAMIE’S eyes widen.

JAMIE: Go on.
JAMES: I guess I should start from the beginning…


“All Cleared Up” © 2005-2007 & 2013 Thomas John McNab. “James, The Professor & Jamie” Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.