Episode Fourteen « All Cleared Up

Act 5At the train station, JAMIE and JAMES stand on the platform with THE PROF. and NICKY. JAMIE walks over to NICKY.

JAMIE: I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot; I really hope Paolo’s okay.
NICKY: Well he’d better be… otherwise I’m coming after you.

NICKY pierces JAMIE with her eyes as she walks towards the train. JAMES nervously stands next to THE PROF. and clears his throat before talking.

JAMES: I, um, hope everything turns out okay. I have a feeling he’ll be there.
THE PROF.: I just hope he’s not in too much trouble.
JAMES: Will you be bringing him back here?
THE PROF.: Oh… I don’t think so.
JAMES: I think that’s for the best.

JAMES smiles and is about to reach for THE PROF.’S hand when NICKY shouts for him to get on the train. THE PROF. looks at JAMES who pulls back his hand and lets out a quiet goodbye before walking off. JAMIE walks over and stops the professor from getting on the train.

JAMIE: Professor, I’m glad we sorted everything out.
THE PROF.: Me too. I’m sorry about last night.
JAMIE: Please, I owe you an apology; let me leave you with some advice: you may be a genius where science is concerned, but with love, you’re just like the rest of us.
THE PROF.: I’m not sure what–
JAMIE: Don’t leave things as they are and assume the pieces will still be here for you to put together when you get back; you never know what the future has in store.

JAMIE leaves before THE PROF. has the chance to respond. Out of nowhere, “Make Your Own Kind Of Music” starts playing as he begins to board the train. He looks over at JAMES one last time before going inside. JAMIE walks over to JAMES as the two slowly leave the platform.

JAMIE: He won’t be gone that long.
JAMES: Yeah… I guess you’re right.
THE PROF.: Oh, what the hell!

Suddenly, JAMES stops and turns round to see THE PROF. running back over to him. Before he realises it, THE PROF. locks onto JAMES’ lips, and JAMIE looks on in shock as the two kiss. After a few seconds, THE PROF. pulls apart.

THE PROF.: I’ll see you when I get back.

JAMES is left standing on the platform in shock as THE PROF. gets back on the train and it pulls out of the station. JAMIE’S face contorts into a look of sheer confusion.

JAMIE: What exactly happened between you and him last night?

JAMES turns to look at JAMIE and suddenly becomes shy.

JAMES: I don’t wanna talk about it.
JAMIE: Aww, hell no! Don’t start playing that card again. Come on, let’s flashback.
JAMES: How about we flash forward instead.

In a cheesy style, the music and scene fast-forwards a few minutes before slowing down to a normal pace again as JAMIE walks inside her house with JAMES.

JAMIE: Hey; don’t do that again, it made me feel sick.
JAMES: I liked it, I feel all high.
JAMIE: Actually, I think that might be the man-lips you just tasted!

JAMIE pokes fun at JAMES who blushes. Suddenly, both are aware of a noise coming from upstairs.

JAMES: I thought everyone was out?
JAMIE: Everyone is out.

JAMIE looks at JAMES worried. Hearing only silence now, JAMIE creeps into the kitchen. She spots a soup ladle close by. The odd noises from upstairs resume, and JAMIE grabs the ladle. Slowly, she and JAMES walk upstairs, edging closer toward whatever’s making the noise.

JAMES: I think it’s coming from…
JAMIE: Shush!

JAMIE knows what JAMES is about to say and prepares to open the door to MOM-BOT’S bedroom.

JAMES: Jamie, I don’t think you should…
JAMIE: Shush!

Ignoring JAMES, JAMIE grips the doorknob tightly before kicking the door forward and raising the ladle high into the air for a moment. JAMIE gasps and drops the ladle to the floor as JAMES rolls his eyes.

JAMES: I thought I recognised that sound.
JAMIE: Mommy?!

JAMIE’S face contorts into a look of sheer confusion as she sees MOM-BOT peer out from underneath the sheets.

MOM-BOT: I didn’t think you’d be home this early.
JAMIE: Who, Who’s that?
MOM-BOT: I told you I was thinking about telling some of the other girls on the street… it turns out me and Carol-Ann have more in common than we thought.

JAMIE looks over and sees a woman with spiky-short, blonde hair fold back the covers and blush a little has she half-waves to JAMIE. JAMES smiles to himself.

JAMES: I always wondered what really went on at those Tupperware parties! Come on, Jamie; let’s leave these two crazy kids alone.

JAMES pulls JAMIE back and shuts the door as JAMIE’S face remains frozen with a look of confusion.

JAMES: Come on, Jamie! What, did you think your mom would just come out, get a subscription to Cat Fancy and continue lusting over Martha Stewart? She’s practically human now; and I say, good on her for indulging a little. I mean, did you see the woman she was with? Even I’d…
JAMIE: No! No! No! No!

JAMIE sticks her fingers in her ears and walks away from JAMES.

JAMIE: Not listening!
JAMES: Can you imagine the sexual chemistry between two women?
JAMIE: Lalalalalalala!

JAMES chases JAMIE down the stairs and around the FOSTER house. The scene cuts to an outside angle on the house as eerie violins begin to play in the background. The angle pulls farther and farther away, panning wide across the whole of Sitcomland, before a sonic-boom like noise signals the end of the episode.


“All Cleared Up” © 2005-2007 & 2013 Thomas John McNab. “James, The Professor & Jamie” Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.