The Lone Gunmen’s Super-Mega Day of Moshing

It was a wet, Sunday evening. The Cigarette Smoking Man sat there, a puff, and typing. He was modifying an X-file that had been passed on to him through a contact known only as ‘Cold’.
‘So enclosing, all evidence suggest the man is now…’ The CSM paused; the ash on his cigarette was longer then a giraffe’s neck. The original file said the man was dead, but The Syndicate had cloned him and now the file had to be changed. Staring at the only thing he could, The Lone Gunmen, his inspiration came. ‘So enclosing, all evidence suggest the man is now…GAY.’

At their secret bunker, Langly, Byers and Frohike are sat playing a game of Scrabble. Since there friend and colleague Jimmy Bond got inadvertently turned into a statue (they were solving a case at a steel works. Jimmy fell in. They now use him as a doorstop) The Lone Gunmen have been short of things to do.
‘Fifty-three points and now I’m in the lead.’ Frohike rejoiced as he placed the tiles on the board.
‘Hold on. Please tell me what ‘Quoxaz’ means.’ Byers looked cheated. He’d been winning before.
‘Quoxaz: A rare indigenous rock found on the surface of Pluto. Perfectly legal, it’s even in the dictionary.’
‘Where?’ Asked Byers.
‘Between P and R!” Joked Langly.
‘ Look at their Glossary.’
‘I would but our service providers jammed with a load of gay pornographic websites!’ Byers gave an inadvertent glance at Langly.
‘Again?’ Langly shot up straight in his seat, ‘Boy, some goon down at AOL’s really messed up.’ Langly said laughing nervously.
‘Besides, if we had the internet do you really think I’d be sat here challenging words like ‘Quoxaz’ in game of Scrabble?’ Byers said glumly.
‘No, you’d be jamming our service provider with a load of gay pornographic websites!’ Frohike said sarcastically.
A knock at the door broke their intelligent conversation and Byers stood up to go answer it. He passed the statue of Jimmy and paid his respects, whilst also taking the socks that he’d put there to dry off. Agent Mulder was at the door. He looked like he always looked. On the verge of exploding if he didn’t reveal some new secret the government had planned. He walked in and paused at the statue of Jimmy, and then he took off his coat and placed it over the preserved corpse.
‘Guys I need your help. But you may not like what I’m about to ask you.’
‘Is Agent Scully with you?’ Asked Frohike rising out of his chair and straightening his clothes.
‘No. She’s stuck back at the Bureau.’ Mulder said smirking.
‘Work? A case?’ Byers asked, hoping for anything better then Scrabble.
‘No, I mean she’s literally stuck at the bureau. Poor women’s so pregnant now she got stuck in the lift on the way here.’
‘Is she okay?’ The Lone Gunmen asked worried.
‘She is, but I’m not so sure if Skinner’s gonna be okay. He was in the lift at the time, stood next to Scully. She turned and got jammed in because of him. I was at the front luckily. I should probably phone her…’ he spied the Scrabble board next to Langly and Frohike, ‘or it could wait.’