Malsomnia

I used to be nocturnal but now I’m… I’ve looked it up and Hypersomnia seems like a good word for it. Basically I’ve started to enjoy waking up in the wee hours of the morning – or 1am, which to you might still be night. I love the quiet stillness and solitude and I can wake up very slowly which I much prefer over waking up to an alarm. I hate alarms. I hate that alarms are normalised to wake us up. Alarms should strike the fear of god into us and have us running to the cellar to seek shelter. Alarms shouldn’t be the way we are yanked out of REM sleep!

I looked up a list of prefixes and found that “mal” means bad/poor (like malnutrition) and definitely, if it exists, I can say I have Malsomnia. Sometimes I can sleep for 16 hours, like I did on Monday, but other times I’ll spend the evening walking 15,000 steps and then sleep for 4 hours and get up and walk another 10,000.

It won’t last. I know it won’t last. Once it gets icy, I won’t like walking. But for now, I walk, and I sleep, and I walk.

Soon I will walk to watch films, and sleep, and watch films, and most likely sleep whilst watching a film (sorry, Ghost In The Shell, but you were very nice to lull me to sleep), because soon comes the Leeds International Film Festival.

What I Liked About Her

It starts with surviving chemotherapy, as most stories do! I had been off school for 8 months, but when I returned, I felt not only abandoned by all my old friends, but literally bullied by half the class. If it hadn’t been for a girl with the initials A.B., I wouldn’t have had one friend. But that A.B. is a story for a different time, this story is about another AB – Amanda Bynes, and how I found joy and humour in life again when she arrived on Nickelodeon UK with her own show (we never got “All That” despite Kenan and Kel being hugely successful).

This coincided with me leaving my old school and when I arrived at my new school I made one friend there, so I spent all of my time in the School Library, and that’s the first place I ever logged onto the internet. I desperately wanted a home PC with internet, but this was 2001, I was 15, and they were expensive!

So, I consumed as much as I could whilst at school – which was probably more than I should have, given school was a place for learning not for learning about Amanda Bynes. But learn I did, and one of the websites I found most useful for research was a fan-made website (a “fansite”) called AmandaMonium (like pandemonium). I had no idea how talented Amanda was, I had only seen her on “The Amanda Show”, but that’s where I found out she was on “All That”, “Double Dare”, “Figure It Out”, “Rugrats”, and even an HBO show called “Airliss” – yes, that HBO!

2002 rolled around and we were finally gifted a used PC – still no home internet, but at least I could start building my own fansite for Amanda, because that’s what everybody seemingly used to do back then – that, or write fanfic… which I actually tried doing, but don’t worry, it was nothing too cringeworthy, I wrote a fanfic about various characters from “The Amanda Show” being on the reality TV show “Big Brother” where they would vote each other off and try to win!

It actually only originally started as one page of this website – tomsbrain. Tomsbrain was going to have lots of little pages about all of my likes, but the more I found out about Amanda the more I realised I couldn’t limit what I liked about her to just one page, so it would have to be its own website… Amanda Bynes UK – The First British Website For Her.

I started building the website in June 2002, but I fell seriously ill with an infection and was admitted into hospital. That infection turned into pneumonia and I almost died, but after coming out of intensive care in September 2002, I picked right back up where I left off – at school and with my website building. I got a copy of Microsoft FrontPage from one of my new Sixth Form teachers, and redesigned/rebuilt the entire fansite when we finally got a new PC with internet!

On October 7th, 2002, Amanda Bynes UK went live after teaching myself FTP in 5 days. Our Internet Service Provider “Freeserve” came with 30MB of free webspace, and from there, the site grew. I hit 1,000 visitors less than 6 months after it launched, and in 2004 I bought a domain and greatly expanded the website. After all, Amanda’s career was seemingly unstoppable, with “What I Like About You”, “What A Girl Wants”, “LoveWrecked”, and “She’s The Man” being all successfully lead Amanda projects. A thousand visitors turned into tens of thousand… which turned into hundreds of thousands… and eventually, yes, even millions.

Seemingly in tandem, when Amanda’s career slowly came (or screeched) to an end, “Freeserve” which had become “Wanadoo” which had become “Orange” (which merged with “T-Mobile” and became “EE”) discontinued their free webspace – with no prior warning, might I add.

And just like that, my website was gone. I rebuilt tomsbrain here on WordPress, and had planned to resurrect Amanda Bynes UK when Amanda’s career picked back up again… and we all know how that turned out.

If you don’t, I’m honestly shocked. She had a huge public breakdown, and now you can’t google Amanda and see any nice little fansites, all the information related to her starts with her breakdown: TMZ; RadarOnline; Daily Mail.

And that’s all you really hear now from her anymore. She recently released two rap songs – a far cry from the kind of songs she was offered after “Hairspray” was released (her most successful film). But this blog post isn’t for me to say how I’m still an Amanda Bynes fan – which I am, but TBQH it feels like I’m a fan of a fictional, past version of her. I support her, especially in her quest to get out of her conservatorship (which she now has), but this blog post is more about how much I’ve grown in the past 20 years, thanks to the internet. But actually, when Amanda’s career stopped, my life off the internet started to begin. I got the bus by myself for the first time, I went to the cinema by myself for the first time, and I grew as a person.

You know, at least until 2020!

31 Films for 31 Days of October

Apropos of nothing, I wanted to compile a list of recommendations for horror-type films you can enjoy this Spooky Season – WITH links where to stream them for free (most are on Tubi, so get yourself a VPN).

1. Ginger Snaps (2000): https://tubitv.com/movies/491807 (Tubi US)

Katherine & Emily are perfectly cast in this teen angst horror film that does Mean Girls way better than Mean Girls did, and way earlier. If you like it, watch the sequel for an absolutely demented performance from Tatiana Maslany!

2. Quarantine (2008): https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/video/detail/0KN3PDXJYFQQ37HMA2EZRAI1F3/ (Freevee)

I have to include a found footage film, and whilst some would pick Paranormal Activity, I recommend tracking down Quarantine – the English language remake of the Spanish horror “Rec”

3. The Ring (2003): https://tubitv.com/movies/312945/ (Tubi CANADA)

Whilst we’re on the topic of English language remakes, The Ring has no business being as good as it is, one, for being a remake, and two, for being PG-13!

4. House of Wax (2005):

Speaking of no right being as good as they are, a ’00s horror film with a cast that looks like it walked straight off a WB backlot in Burbank sounds like it should reek. It is genuinely good, and you should watch it!

5. Cry_Wolf (2005):

Kinda difficult to track down legally, but if you do you’ll be pleasantly surprised. It stars Julian Morris and he just earns respect! This was a better remake of April Fool’s Day than the remake of April Fool’s Day!

6. The Hole (2001): https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/0MW4DZF0RCBTI69CC89D00Y4RX/ (Paramount+ US)

As if Thora Birch isn’t enough of a horror icon thanks to Hocus Pocus! The Hole is a twisted little love tale that still intrigues me every time I watch it and feels like it is based on a true creepy story.

7. The Boy (2016): https://www.netflix.com/title/80071346 (Netflix CA)

This isn’t a film I had seen until someone recommended it, and I’m so glad they did, and now I’m recommending you see it – blind! It’s a creepy doll film and that’s all I’m gonna say.

8. The Faculty (1998):

The Faculty sells itself as a sci-fi movie, but coming from Kevin Williamson and Robert Rodriguez it is totally a horror film. I’m not going to waste your time telling you to watch Scream, or I Know What You Did Last Summer, but I will tell you watch this.

9. Final Destination (2000): https://tubitv.com/movies/504698 (Tubi CANADA)

Another film I feel like I shouldn’t be telling you about, but if you haven’t seen it, go watch the original. If you like it, you’ve got 4 more just like it, and supposedly a new one is coming next year.

10. Red Eye (2005):

Director Wes Craven turns something so simple into art. It’s like What If the first scene of Scream was the whole movie, and ghostface wasn’t wearing a mask but talking to you in person?

11. The Innkeepers (2011):

I had to include a Ti West in this list. My personal fav is “The House of The Devil”, but I recommend to you Innkeepers; a film to be aimlessly enjoyed like a relaxing, soothing, hot bath. Really good at doing what horror is supposed to do. (Edit: Didn’t expect “X” to pop up on Prime Video, but it just has and is by far the best Ti West film and the one you should watch – https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/video/detail/0O0TBY593IIWZK5ESJZ0676T2A/ all three are on Amazon UK)

12. Relic (2020):

This is what horror should do. Imply. Don’t show me. Don’t even tell me! Just imply things and let me cry myself to sleep wondering what the fuck I just watched!

13. Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981): https://watch.plex.tv/movie/friday-the-13th-part-2

Ft13 has no right being as iconic as it is. Jason doesn’t even get his iconic look until Part 3, which IMHO is atrocious. We can all agree Part 4 is the best, so watch Part 2 for free!

14. Jeepers Creepers (2001): https://watch.plex.tv/movie/jeepers-creepers

Controversial inclusion, but separate art from the artist and appreciate this film for what it is. We’re in 2001, and the slasher trope is getting tired, so along comes the Creeper to turn the idea on its head.

15. Drag Me To Hell (2009): https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0017fys/drag-me-to-hell (BBC iPlayer UK)

And then there are films that come along from seasoned veterans, completely knock it out of the park, never to be repeated.

16. The Haunting of Sharon Tate (2019): https://tubitv.com/movies/690259 (Tubi US)

I feel exploitation is very on trend, and it is my opinion if you’re going to enjoy a thing based on a real life atrocity, it should be so far removed from reality that it stars Hilary Duff as Sharon Tate.

17. Pontypool (2008): https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/video/detail/0TVO77J6Y7NZ21VL59LXN4QPGZ/ (Freevee)

Hands down, if there is one movie from this list you watch, make sure it is this one. It is a slow burner, a very indie thinker of a horror, but just fantastically moody from start to finish.

18. May (2003): https://tubitv.com/movies/376056 (Tubi US)

A beautiful recommendation a dear friend once gave to me was in the form of this film. With Anna Faris, and Jeremy Sisto, the real standout in this film is Angela Bettis, who carries every scene she’s in and makes you sympathise.

19. Tag (2015): https://tubitv.com/movies/487806 (Tubi US)

I mean, if you don’t want to keep watching this after the beginning, then I guess you have your opinions… BUT THEY’RE WRONG. This is a masterpiece, although probably the least horrific horror film on this list.

20. Housebound (2014): https://tubitv.com/movies/499465 (Tubi US)

Okay, maybe this is the least horrific horror film on this list, but it would be the film I recommend most after Pontypool. A fantastic, award winning comedic performance from Morgana. Watch this in tandem with The Boy!

21. Oculus (2014):
https://pluto.tv/en/on-demand/movies/oculus-2014-1-1 (Pluto US)

This one is actually a recommendation to myself to rewatch, so I’ll let you know if it’s still as good as I remember. It has Karen Gillan, it’s got to at least be enjoyable. (Two hours later) Yep, definitely give this a watch. It is a good horror film without being too flashy, not too psychological but just enough of a thinker to make you want to rewatch it again and again.

22. Pin (1988): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9FOVCi7d0U

A creepy little long lost forgotten horror film that stars Terry O’Quinn (who is also fabulous in The Stepfather). If you found yourself let down by The Boy, maybe this will be more what you were looking for..?

23. The Butterfly Room (2011): https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/video/detail/0S7EIPLU9QQIE395XTVV105GJL/

If you enjoyed my recommendation of Hilary Duff, then I think you’ll appreciate this. It stars Barbara Steele, Heather Langenkamp, and PJ Soles, and is just dripping with camp gold! If you have mummy issues, this is for you.

24. Excision (2012): https://tubitv.com/movies/348933 (Tubi US)

I saw this over a decade ago at the film festival and from what I remember, it still holds up. AnnaLynne McCord gives a fantastic, unexpected performance. Probably the bloodiest recommendation on this list.

25. Julia’s Eyes (2010):

I’m really reaching far back to try and find films I remember liking but that I’ve only seen once. Julia’s Eyes and this next film are both Spanish horror you’ll love.

26. The Orphanage (2008):

Okay, so maybe I just really love Belén Rueda, but if you can only watch one film she’s in, it should be The Orphanage. Not as scary as Julia’s Eyes, but such a beautifully creepy film, gothic but not in the trope-y kind of gothic way.

27. Trick ‘r Treat (2007):

Recently rereleased in a handful of theatres, time has been kind to this classic anthology series. I think they’re making a sequel..? If you like anthologies, I would rather recommend the V/H/S series, but this is a good one to ease you into the concept.

28. Dead Silence (2007): https://www.netflix.com/title/70063588 (Netflix UK & AUS)

Another one if you liked The Boy! James Wan knocking it out of the park early on in his career, this film has fallen into relative obscurity.

29. New Nightmare (1994):

I couldn’t not have Freddy on this list, and my top recommendation out of the series is the wonderfully subversive New Nightmare, which is a film within a film. It was Scream before Scream, it was horror before horror was cool again.

30. The Loved Ones (2009): https://pluto.tv/on-demand/movies/the-loved-ones-1-1 (PlutoTV US)

I had to browse my own personal collection for this. I said to myself, I said I would know which film out of my many hundreds to include, and this one jumped out at me NEEDING not only me to rewatch it, but you to watch it.

31. Halloween (1978):

If you haven’t seen the original, in the words of Jennifer Love Hewitt “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?” I can understand if you think Psycho is too old, but Halloween is a timeless classic, I don’t think there’s a minute that goes by that isn’t pure pumpkin joy!

Elaboration

I guess I should be less cryptic. Basically, I have stage four kidney failure which, if you didn’t know, means unless things miraculously improve or at the very least plateaux then the next step is dialysis. I have an abundance of amyloid protein in my kidneys and went to London last month for lots of scans. So many scans I broke their MRI! And they found nothing – no explanation. I am a mystery. Usually people who have amyloid protein in their kidneys will have it elsewhere, I didn’t. Which I guess is a good thing, but it just means uncertainty. The thing is I feel absolutely fine. But mentally this has dragged me down a little. I felt really positive being back in London after feeling so much of my personality slip away during the pandemic. Everything was go, go, go. But now I’m back in Leeds, same old same old, just with extra medication. I don’t know what makes me happy anymore. I can find escapism in movies, and the film festival is just around the corner, but it feels like a lifetime away and I just feel all floaty and lost at the moment, like Sandra Bullock in that movie – not the one with the bus, the other one.