All Cleared Up

All Cleared Up Created by Thomas McNab. Concept Art based on artwork created by Butch Hartman.

All Cleared Up was the name of a fictional TV show that I wrote back in the mid 2000s. It got its name from the Rugrats spin-off All Grown Up and was modelled after many of the tween sitcoms on Nickelodeon at the time (predominantly, Zoey 101), but with South Park-esque adult humour. I pulled references from a multitude of pop culture influences at the time, from Lost to The O.C. with a swathe of classic and modern (for the time) horror movies thrown in for good measure. It premiered for users of a Nickelodeon message board in 2006 and would receive input from the community to shape its ongoing content and progressing storylines. The action took place in a non-specific American town dubbed “Sitcomland” and centred around high school student Jamie Foster (indirectly intended to be Jamie Lynn Spears, but incorporating the character traits of Jamie Lloyd from Halloween 4). The first episode establishes that Jamie has been continuing to live at her childhood home with her sister, Calista (based upon the character Buffy Summers, played by Sarah Michelle Gellar) after the death of their mother, but following Calista’s enrolment in college, Jamie is faced with the upheaval of her life. Jamie’s GBF (gay best friend, also known as Jamie) takes her to see the town’s mad-genius professor, who lives in an observatory on top of a hill overlooking Sitcomland. There, Jamie is gifted a robotic mother (called Mom-Bot) who causes havoc and mischief and alludes to world domination. However, Mom-Bot does take great care of Jamie, considering her wellbeing and happiness to be top priority (which causes her to view Calista as a constant threat).

(excerpt from #1ACU01: "Jamie's First Episode")

JAMIE and JAMES run into the house and skid to a halt when they come face to metal with MOM-BOT.

MOM-BOT: Identify?
JAMIE: It's me, Mom; Jamie.
MOM-BOT: Scanning DNA... Identified, Jamie. Known Relatives? Joyce, mother, deceased. Michael, Uncle Bogeyman, at large. Calista, sister... Deceased!
JAMES: Oh no, we're too late.
MOM-BOT: Identify?
JAMES: Oh I don't have time for that.

JAMES tries to insert the disk into MOM-BOT but is shot by an x-ray and disintegrated.

JAMIE: OhMiGod! They killed Jamie.
CALISTA: You bastards!
MOM-BOT: Scanning DNA... Identified, James. Initiating particle reconstruction.

In a cheesy style, the last clip is just reversed and JAMES materialises in front of JAMIE.

JAMES: Oh! That tickled.

CALISTA comes out from behind the sofa and stands just inches from MOM-BOT.

MOM-BOT: Identified, Calista. Error: visual data-
CALISTA: Ignore the visual data it's me, Calista! Only I could have this DNA.
MOM-BOT: Threat...

There’s a big, dramatic pause.

MOM-BOT: Maximum threat.

MOM-BOT erects her ray-gun, preparing to shoot.

JAMES: Wow Impressive!
JAMIE: No, Mom-Bot, don’t kill Calista.

JAMIE stands in between CALISTA and the MOM-BOT.

JAMIE: If you look into your heart... or whatever's in the centre of your cold metal body. You'll see that this really is Calista, and the only reason you see her as a threat is because...

Equally dramatic pause.

JAMIE: I programmed you to.

Everyone opens their mouth wide, as the live studio audience let out cries of shock.

JAMIE: I'm sorry, Calista; I just didn't want you to leave for college.
CALISTA: It's okay, I understand.
JAMIE: I was scared that if you went away you'd never come back.
CALISTA: I promise you I'll come back. It's only gonna be 9 months.
JAMIE: Wow, 9 months. I didn't realise... Mom-Bot?
MOM-BOT: Yes, dear?
JAMIE: Lock her in the basement!

MOM-BOT shoots from her ray-gun but instead of killing CALISTA it floats her off the floor.

CALISTA: What are you doing? Jamie, help, tell her to stop. I can't stay in the basement; I'm only contracted for one episode. Do something!
JAMIE: Did you hear that, James, Calista's going to stay!

The first few episodes establish a pattern: Jamie has a problem, tries to resolve it without alerting Mom-Bot, Mom-Bot eventually finds out and despite the chaos, solves Jamie’s problem. Sometimes The Professor helps Jamie with an invention from his laboratory, whilst James gets distracted by The Professor’s handsome assistant, Paolo. Calista periodically reappears, even moving into an off-campus apartment with a roommate, but knows to steer clear of Mom-Bot.

(excerpt from #1ACU04: "Jamie's First Problem")

MOM-BOT: Soon you will be out until the early hours of the morning, getting drunk and having promiscuous, unprotected sex. Then becoming pregnant and marrying your childhood boyfriend at a chapel in Las Vegas.
JAMIE: Why do you think that?
MOM-BOT: Because, that's exactly what happened to your sister.

Everyone looks at CALISTA with their mouths open wide.

CALISTA: Oh she's obviously confused, you morons! Jamie, she thinks Britney Spears is your sister.
JAMIE: Oh! No, Mom-Bot; Calista is my sister, remember?
MOM-BOT: Negative, your sister is one Britney Jean Spears.
JAMES: Yeah, I wish! No offence, Calista.
CALISTA: Mom-Bot, look.

CALISTA grabs a photo of herself holding hands with a young looking JAMIE.

CALISTA: This is me and Jamie standing in our backyard, our mother took this photo of us.

Suddenly, CALISTA throws it to floor and it smashes.

JAMIE: You bitch!

CALISTA grabs the photo and turns it around.

CALISTA: Look here, mom wrote a message on it.
JAMIE: She did? (reading the back of the photo) To my darling daughters, soon I fear I may be gone from this earth, but I want you to know that I will never be far from your hearts and that nothing can stop me from loving you for ever. Make sure you always take care of each other, and remember... that just in case a homicidal robot ever threatens you by saying you're not sisters; you'll always have this as proof.
CALISTA: It really says that?

MOM-BOT snatches the photo from JAMIE.

MOM-BOT: Negative! And so the lies begin. I must lock you up in the basement so you can never diminish your character and degrade your body by performing such abusive acts upon yourself.
JAMIE: This is the worst week ever. First I get my period, now I’m being locked up, and to top it all off, I've got a paper cut!

CALISTA: Wait, that’s it!

CALISTA picks up a shard of glass from the floor and cuts her hand.

CALISTA: Now you can see for yourself that Jamie is my sister.

MOM-BOT extends her arm and a blue light radiates over JAMIE and CALISTA'S wounds.

JAMIE: Wow impressive!
MOM-BOT: DNA test complete. I can now verify that Jamie is...

To avoid repetitive standalone storylines, a multi-story arc was introduced where Mom-Bot receives a cosmetic upgrade. This leads the characters to observe Mom-Bot on a date with a man, and there they discover that her robotic tendencies have subsided to reveal a more humanised and compassionate character.

(excerpt from #3ACU01: "Jamie's First Outting")

JAMIE looks over as she sees MOM-BOT grinning like a Cheshire Cat. She follows her gaze and is alarmed to see she's staring at a waitress' backside.
 
JAMIE: What the hell?!
THE PROF.: I'm not an expert–
JAMES: Well I am; she's totally checking out that waitress.
 
JAMES shakes his head in disbelief as THE PROF. bites his bottom lip and looks at JAMIE, whose face is plastered with a horrified look of shock.
 
JAMIE: Ohmigod, my Mom's a Lesbian!

JAMIE doesn't take her eyes off MOM-BOT and struggles to get her words out.

JAMIE: No, she... she can't be a lesbian.
JAMES: I think it's kind of probable. Just look at her, she's about to start drooling!
JAMIE: But, I mean, she can’t be gay... what did you do?
THE PROF.: Nothing!
JAMIE: What did you do to my mom?
THE PROF.: Foolish Whore, I can’t control matters of the heart. It wants what it wants.
JAMIE: She doesn't have a heart, she's made of METAL!
THE PROF.: Was made of metal. I'll admit, perhaps the upgrade delivered some unexpected after-effects.
JAMES: At least she's not killing anybody!
JAMIE: Unexpected... you did this on purpose.
THE PROF.: Right, because my life is so empty that I get a kick out of screwing with the two of you.
JAMIE: You did this, you fix this!
JAMES: Whoa, what do you mean by fix?
JAMIE: This is not what I signed up for, Jamie. I wanted your typical, run-of-the-mill, cookie-baking, soccer-practice driving Mom-Bot. And instead he built me freak-mom.
THE PROF.: Well, I'm glad your true feelings are finally out in the open because, you know what, you don't have to worry about Professor "Freak" screwing with you anymore. I quit!
JAMIE: Quit? You can't quit... you're fired!

Whilst Mom-Bot opens up to Jamie and is accepted, The Professor is stubborn in accepting Jamie’s apology. The Professor’s backstory has been vague up until now, and he opens up privately to James about being a child prodigy and eventually moving to Sitcomland with his foster brother as two lonely teenagers (think Seth and Ryan from The O.C. but gay). The reason he built a robot mother to take care of Jamie was because he knew first hand what it was like to have foster parents. His foster parents, despite being rich and supportive, were emotionally distant. The only person in his family to show affection was his foster brother, Paolo, but Paolo wanted to disregard their familial bond and confessed that whilst living together he had developed romantic feelings for The Professor. The Professor did not feel the same, and so Paolo moved back home… but he never arrived, so their sister, Nicky, came to Sitcomland looking for answers.

(excerpt from #3ACU02: "Jamie's First Flashback")

THE PROF.: James, this is Paolo's sister.
JAMES: Oh?! Well I can see where Paolo gets his good looks from.
NICKY: Um, well we're actually not blood-related and even if we were he'd have to be my son in order to get his good looks from me.
JAMES: Oh, right! So, what, you're step-siblings?
NICKY: Nope. All three of us were adopted.
JAMES: Oh, that's coincidental!

JAMES laughs as he looks at THE PROF., who is biting his lip. Slowly, JAMES realises what NICKY means.

JAMES: Wait, you and her are related?
THE PROF.: Nicky's my sister.
JAMES: Which would make...
THE PROF.: You understand what I’ve been trying to tell you all night. Paolo was my brother.
NICKY: Was?
THE PROF.: Did he not explain to you what happened?
NICKY: I haven't heard or seen anything from him, that's the whole reason I came up here.
THE PROF.: What do you mean you–?
JAMES: Excuse me, can we get back to the fact that you're brothers?

THE PROF. rolls his eyes and drags JAMES away from NICKY.

THE PROF.: Maybe you should just go home.
JAMES: I'm not going anywhere until I found out what the hell is going.
NICKY: Excuse me!

THE PROF. and JAMES turn their heads and see NICKY with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot.

NICKY: Could I possibly find out where the hell our brother is, or should I just leave you two to flirt with each other some more?

THE PROF. and JAMES turn their heads back facing each other and immediately repel away from one another.

James meanwhile has had a crush on Paolo this whole time, but Paolo used James as a pawn to try and make The Professor jealous. This is what, as The Professor reveals, caused him to really kick Paolo out and send him back home on a bus. The Professor cared deeply for James, and a slow burning romance kindled between the two. But now The Professor has to leave Sitcomland with his sister to find Paolo. On the train station platform, James and The Professor kiss for the first (but hopefully not last) time, and the series ends with Jamie coming home and accidentally walking in on Mom-Bot in bed with the next-door neighbour, Carol-Ann!

EPISODE 1 “Jamie’s First Episode” – Satirical look at the life Jamie Foster as she deals with her sister leaving for college, the arrival of a robot mother, a mad-professor, her gay boy-friend James and a whole host of new and exciting characters and situations. READ »	EPISODE 8 “Jamie’s First Cut” – When Jamie comes home from school late one afternoon and locks herself in her bedroom, everyone tries to figure out what’s wrong with her. READ »
EPISODE 2 “Jamie’s First Fight” – Jamie’s back at school, but already she’s in trouble. Can The Professor help her out with one of his wacky inventions or is it up to Mom-Bot to save the day? ° READ »	EPISODE 9 “Jamie’s First Kiss” – Mom-Bot has done something to put Jamie’s safety in jeopardy. It’s up to The Professor to save them, but not everything is as it seems… READ »
EPISODE 3 “Jamie’s First F” – Jamie meets her match in the form of Ms. Fairchild, her science teacher. She enlists the help of The Professor but will everything go the way she planned? ° READ »	EPISODE 10 “Jamie’s First Formal” – Jamie and James both attend their High School’s Winter Formal, but a shocking revelation is set to change their friendship forever… READ »
EPISODE 4 “Jamie’s First Problem” – Jamie’s been acting very strange and it’s up to James to snoop around and find out what’s going on. ° READ »	EPISODE 11 “Jamie’s First Sleepover” – Jamie spends the night at Calista’s apartment and, as usual, trouble ensues. Also, James tries to cheer up The Professor. READ »
EPISODE 5 “Jamie’s First Crush” – Jamie has feelings for a boy in her class. With James’ help, she invites him over to study but soon things turn awkward and Jamie’s in trouble. READ »	EPISODE 12 “Jamie’s First Cliffhanger” – The Professor creates an upgrade for Mom-Bot and the results cause an unexpected surprise that will change Jamie’s life forever. READ »
EPISODE 6 “Jamie’s First Job” – Jamie and James get jobs but Jamie becomes jealous when James is better than her. In order to succeed, Jamie plots to outdo her friend but not everything goes as planned. READ »	EPISODE 13 “Jamie’s First Outing” – Jamie struggles to adjust to the changes in her life, and lashes out at The Professor, causing him to make a shocking announcement. READ »
EPISODE 7 “Jamie’s First Halloween” – Jamie isn’t usually one for celebrating Hallowe’en, ever since her psychotic Uncle tried to kill her she just doesn’t care for it. James tries to convince her to come to a party with him at The Professor’s laboratory, but neither of them know that Jamie’s Uncle has woken up from his coma and is heading back to Sitcomland, intent on finishing what he started. READ »	EPISODE 14 “Jamie’s First Flashback” – Unexpected and shocking revelations unfold when mysterious character shows up at The Professor’s laboratory, leaving Jamie and James LOST for words. Testing relationships, and risking the end of the trio’s adventures. READ »