Episode Three « All Cleared Up

Opening – JAMIE is sat in her Science class. The teacher, an uncharacteristically posh British woman with grey hair pulled back tight into a bun, gets the attention of the class.

MS. FAIRCHILD: Now class, before we move on to study our next subject, which I know you’re all eagerly anticipating.

The class of children snicker, knowing full well they will be studying sexual reproduction soon.

MS. FAIRCHILD (Under her breath): Bunch of randy little bastards. *Coughs* I’ve marked all of your completed essays from the topic I set last week about the Solar System and the Planetary cycle.

MS. FAIRCHILD walks up and down the aisles handing out papers and commenting.

MS. FAIRCHILD: Sophie; excellent punctuation, big improvement from last time. Katie; very good referencing, keep it up. Luke; Not quite sure about your theory of extraterrestrials being the cause of Pluto’s elliptical cycle but you argued your point across very well nonetheless. Jamie; Well…

JAMIE looks up at MS. FAIRCHILD who has a disapproving frown on her face.

MS. FAIRCHILD: I’m shocked. And let’s leave it at that, shall we… we all know what happened the last time I dropped F-bombs inside the classroom.

MS. FAIRCHILD walks off after placing JAMIE’S essay face down on her desk. Slowly she turns it over and is met with a giant red ‘F’. In a state of shock she slides off her chair and kneels down on the classroom floor.

JAMIE: No, No, Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

JAMIE throws her hands into the air and cries out. No-one seems very interested, to which JAMIE clears her throat and gets back into her seat.

MS. FAIRCHILD: Right, if you’re quite finished I’ll move on, shall I? Sebastian, hand me the lube!


“Every birthday, my mom would say to me
You’re another year older and you’re still getting spottier

But then she died and I moved in with my sister
I’m called Jamie, she’s Calista and our Mom is a robot!

All Cleared Up!
I really wanna scream it loud!

All Cleared Up!
I want them all to know!

All Cleared Up!
I really hope that things will be,

All Cleared Up for me!”