Episode Three « All Cleared Up
Opening – JAMIE is sat in her Science class. The teacher, an uncharacteristically posh British woman with grey hair pulled back tight into a bun, gets the attention of the class.
MS. FAIRCHILD: Now class, before we move on to study our next subject, which I know you’re all eagerly anticipating.
The class of children snicker, knowing full well they will be studying sexual reproduction soon.
MS. FAIRCHILD (Under her breath): Bunch of randy little bastards. *Coughs* I’ve marked all of your completed essays from the topic I set last week about the Solar System and the Planetary cycle.
MS. FAIRCHILD walks up and down the aisles handing out papers and commenting.
MS. FAIRCHILD: Sophie; excellent punctuation, big improvement from last time. Katie; very good referencing, keep it up. Luke; Not quite sure about your theory of extraterrestrials being the cause of Pluto’s elliptical cycle but you argued your point across very well nonetheless. Jamie; Well…
JAMIE looks up at MS. FAIRCHILD who has a disapproving frown on her face.
MS. FAIRCHILD: I’m shocked. And let’s leave it at that, shall we… we all know what happened the last time I dropped F-bombs inside the classroom.
MS. FAIRCHILD walks off after placing JAMIE’S essay face down on her desk. Slowly she turns it over and is met with a giant red ‘F’. In a state of shock she slides off her chair and kneels down on the classroom floor.
JAMIE: No, No, Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
JAMIE throws her hands into the air and cries out. No-one seems very interested, to which JAMIE clears her throat and gets back into her seat.
MS. FAIRCHILD: Right, if you’re quite finished I’ll move on, shall I? Sebastian, hand me the lube!
*OPENING TITLES*
“Every birthday, my mom would say to me
You’re another year older and you’re still getting spottier
But then she died and I moved in with my sister
I’m called Jamie, she’s Calista and our Mom is a robot!
All Cleared Up!
I really wanna scream it loud!
All Cleared Up!
I want them all to know!
All Cleared Up!
I really hope that things will be,
All Cleared Up for me!”
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